Thoughts on community fragmentation and the harm of the "no drama" mentallity.

[Pat The Fox]

In my opinion there is nothing wrong with being courteous.

Not showing your disdain for someone in a social gathering is polite. It leave the focus on the event at hand and not on the troubles between two people. It also doesn't kill the general mood by introducing negativity to the atmosphere, which can ruin things for the other attendees. If the host didn't want that person there, they would of not invited them. By making a guest feel unwelcome by not being courteous is showing a lack of respect to the host's wishes and to the host's other guests.

If it is an open invite event, one should expect that they may run in to someone they do not enjoy the presence of. As such, before they decide to attend the event they should make sure they are ready and can handle such an encounter in a mature manner without causing stress on the general attendance. Again, it isn't fair to the host nor the other guests not involved in bad blood to be affected by it and have its presence inflicted upon the gathering.

As for the original intent of the thread, fragmentation will occur, but fragmentation can also be bad if taken to the extreme. If groups never accept new people or show hostility to other groups, then it becomes bad. I have seen places where a large group fragmented and the members of the sub-groups began to carry a better-than-the-other type attitude. They would restrict people from being a part of both groups, and would treat members of the other group poorly. It really wrecks any large public gathering that anyone tried to attempt.

All in all, my opinion is everyone should be respectful and civil. This does not mean you have to like everyone. This just means that when at groups, at gatherings or on the message board that things are kept without unnecessary harsh words. If you must have it out with someone, take it private and deal with your issues there. Don't make it the rest of the communities problem.

[Zythren]

I like the points people are making about the drama and fragmentation.
The whole "No drama" thing just brings up deeper, repressed arguments anyway. It just bottles up because you don't want to be judged, until the cap pops off and verbal ooze leaks out all over the place for everyone to see. It's like a relationship; Keeping all the anger and pet peeves locked up will just result in a hypothetical explosion of drama. If there's something bothering you, go right out and say it. I personally really detest the whole sexual aspect of the furry community. It's disgusting how open some furries are about what their favorite fetishes are and the things they like to do with their spare time and a "toy." I just don't understand why it's okay to act like a sexual deviant in the furry community and still be accepted, which I think is another great point that came up. I avoid a looot of furries (basically the whole community here, really) because It's easier to avoid certain ones I really don't like than have to tolerate them because it's the nice, "no drama" thing to do. If I flat out said "I don't like you. You're awkwardly sexual and disgusting. Please leave me alone." I suddenly become a meany poopy head and no one wants to talk to me anymore because I was being "rude". Maybe I'm way off the bat on what you guys are talking about because I only skimmed the thread, sorry, but that's just my opinion/reason on why I'm practically invisible.

tl;dr
I would rather avoid everyone than tolerate some because I find them too open/disgusting and annoying, however, I think drama is a good healthy thing to have in a community like this.

[Sikhoten_Tiger]

To the OP, I more or less agree though I tend to think that also having events where newer people are invited along are important for getting to know people and integrating with whatever subset of the local community fits best. Perhaps have it so that for every event for 12 people or whatever 4 or so can be 'random invites' so long as they're not explicitly excluded by those running the event?

i suppose this thread is funny, it has points yes, but is anyone in the right place to actually judge others?

Everyone's in the right place to judge people at all times if for no other reason then they will do it anyways. Every human being will 'judge' others as a normal part of their lives, this ranges from first impressions of someone you're meeting to where you sit on the bus/skytrain. Problems with judging tend to revolve around those who will stick too strongly to initial judgements based on fairly superficial informatmion instead of adjusting their view of a person based on information as it comes. How this applies to our situation is that if all the information you have seems to suggest that x or y individual isn't someone you want to be around then you should feel free to both say this and act upon it.

As for the original intent of the thread, fragmentation will occur, but fragmentation can also be bad if taken to the extreme. If groups never accept new people or show hostility to other groups, then it becomes bad. I have seen places where a large group fragmented and the members of the sub-groups began to carry a better-than-the-other type attitude. They would restrict people from being a part of both groups, and would treat members of the other group poorly. It really wrecks any large public gathering that anyone tried to attempt.

We should indeed endevor not to become a fragmentation grenade and indeed encouraging some degree of fluidity between the varying groups is a must for them to remain a group vs a particular set of friends ( a group to maintain itself will need new blood eventually ). Having places like this serve as a catch-all where from there they can be guided towards those they'd interact best with is ideal as I see it, particularily through tools like more open events.

[Drake Wingfire]

Humanity is VERY niche oriented and seeing as we are all still people behind the fur, scales and feathers, we naturally like to go into our own little niches... gay furs, Metal head furs, COUNTLESS fetish groups. Being furry today is akin to saying "I am white/black" its just a single thing that you happen to be, being white doesn't mean you will get along with every white person and have the exact same interests, nor does being black.

Regarding the furs who have made drama labeling common place.... We are a niche group who PRIDES ourselves on NOT being the social norm.. so I guess not being able to handle any deeper thought/ emotion related situations without sinking to lol-cat level is out of many furs grasps so they just use the big rubber stamp and go "DRAMA *thunk* NEXT!" At its core its just a quick escape clause the lazy and socially inept furs in this fandom have developed from really having to think or understand the non caffeine and sugar high sides of human emotion IE: "if its not bubbly happy and glee filled, its drama"