Thoughts on community fragmentation and the harm of the "no drama" mentallity.

[mediar]

Ember is right.

Hang out with the people you like,   not the people you have to tolerate.     

If that was the moral of the epic book of word on the first page then I agree.

Why hand out with people that irritate you if you don't have to? With that being said, you shouldn't immediately lump someone in the "has to tolerate" category right away. Give um a chance!

[Tony Greyfox]

I'd have to agree. This has gone from a manageable size for a group to a quite large group over the last couple of years, and it's a group that has a massive range of ages and interests these days. That means different groups doing different things, no matter what you do.

If larger events can be organized again on a regular basis, that'd be ideal - open to everyone, a good chance to meet other people who might not cross your path at the get-togethers you're involved with already, and such. I'd like to see that, as I'm getting somewhat more social but still not getting involved with much outside of my one weekly gathering; it'd be great to start building some friendships with other people as well.

As for drama: it's going to happen in any community - there are people who won't see eye to eye, who do things that annoy others, etc. It seems to be especially ingrained in furry for some reason. Unfortunately, there's not much you can do about that - and that means that some people might not be invited to some events, might not be acknowledged by some people, and so forth. Such is life, and any group has to accept that it will happen.

[Ember]

Seriously guys just read the damn post before replying in here. It's 500 words. For the love of god at least read the small summary on the bottom.

[Lemony]

I BLINDLY AGREE TO WHATEVER THE COOL PERSON SAID!

[Ember]

As for drama: it's going to happen in any community - there are people who won't see eye to eye, who do things that annoy others, etc. It seems to be especially ingrained in furry for some reason. Unfortunately, there's not much you can do about that - and that means that some people might not be invited to some events, might not be acknowledged by some people, and so forth. Such is life, and any group has to accept that it will happen.

Exact opposite of what I was saying, again.

[Karo the Dingo]

First this first i wana say, ember, you have talent with writing was fun to read.

for the subject, i will agree with you. i haven't been in the community long enough to know about all this stuff
but i agree. you need to tell people if there annoying, it helps to person to change them self as a person.

[Purplexity]

Furries will be furries.    :gay:

[Ember]

First this first i wana say, ember, you have talent with writing was fun to read.

Thank you! Never underestimate the power of an uncaffeinated  freshly woken fox brain :3

[OryxFox]

So Point number one of Ember's thesis is that when a community gets too large and complex, it naturally sections off into newer, smaller factions and groups. I think this might be how many sub-cultures and new styles are born, this splitting off from the whole.

But who is going to take the first step and host smaller meets? And who decides who goes?

And on the second point, from my own experience, Criticism/drama is a good thing. It weeds out bad behaviour. The ones who can't/won't change get forced out, and the ones who want to change should have a chance at redemption. (Because  I didn't change until a few furs stepped in/sat me down and showed me what was/was not acceptable)

Secondly: There should be someone appointed to talk with newcomers about unacceptable concepts and behaviour.

[Silvermink]

But who is going to take the first step and host smaller meets? And who decides who goes?

I'm not sure the point is really to deliberately craft smaller groups, but rather not to resist the formation of them. I think one of the problems with creating smaller meets in the existing BCFurries framework is that then they're Official Events (TM) and people will expect them to be open. I think strife is inevitable and people shouldn't be stigmatized for discussing interpersonal issues, as I mentioned earlier - but equally, I don't think there's any reason to go looking for it, and it seems like it would be asking for trouble. I assume people organizing smaller events would do what's always been done and contact specific people backchannel. "Who goes" would be the host's or organizer's prerogative.

I'm assuming there that what you meant was that we'd have smaller meets that are announced openly here, so I apologize if I misconstrued that. I'm just not sure the existing meet framework will work for that in a way that doesn't result in grief all around.

Secondly: There should be someone appointed to talk with newcomers about unacceptable concepts and behaviour.

I'm not sure I'd want to put all that responsibility on one person (as in, I could see someone maybe volunteering, but I think it would burn them out pretty quickly). Maybe a few people, though.

[Maoi Neko]

Drama is bad... period. I think No More Drama is both a good slogan and a good song (go mary j blige). That doesn't mean let people get away with anything, it means don't blow things out of proportion, be polite and respectful, and most of all private. EVERYONE doesn't need to know that so-n-so did such-and-such.
Mary J. Blige - No More Drama


In the end, we just need to show more respect (another great song)
Aretha Franklin - Respect

*nods*

[Silvermink]

Drama is bad... period. I think No More Drama is both a good slogan and a good song (go mary j blige). That doesn't mean let people get away with anything, it means don't blow things out of proportion, be polite and respectful, and most of all private. EVERYONE doesn't need to know that so-n-so did such-and-such.

I would agree with you if that was, in fact, how the word "drama" was used in the fandom, but it's not. It's become a handy tool that can be used to shut down and stigmatize any unpleasant interpersonal discussion or argument whatsoever.

I think maybe it started out as what you're describing, but it's become a bit of a monster. This is what happens when the socially-immature get hold of something like that, unfortunately. I think the word "drama" has become tainted enough that it either needs a serious image makeover or it needs to be tossed in the circular file.

[Maoi Neko]

I suppose people need to learn.
Read a Book (Dirty Version)

[Runix]

i suppose this thread is funny, it has points yes, but is anyone in the right place to actually judge others?

[Silvermink]

i suppose this thread is funny, it has points yes, but is anyone in the right place to actually judge others?

This is about choosing who you want to hang out with, and I think we're all in a position to do that.

I also choose not to live in a wonderland of unconditional acceptance of everyone, because constantly short-changing yourself and ignoring your own desires because you're worried about someone else's reaction - well, that way lies madness.