Stupid funny jokes ! aka PUNS!! or riddles that would be cool to

[Icey Dominus]

Okay well basically you win by posting another terribly bad joke and I know there are millions out there! SOOO here we go I will start naturally




What did Tennessee?. . . . NEW JERSEY!!! OMG HAHAHAH. . . . not but really its bad

This other one I posted on another thred but I thought I would share it here to

What do trees drink?. . . . .ROOT BEER!

Comprehending Engineers
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

FYI I HATE ENGINEERS!!

[Tef]

The engineer one was pretty good lol.

What is a surgery student's excuse for an incomplete academic essay?

"I would have handed in my appendix as well, but I had to have it removed."

[Tai]

Three strings come across a bar and decide they'd like to stop in for a drink. The first string walks in, goes up to the bartender and says, "Bartender, gimme a beer." The bartender looks at him and says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve strings here." Feeling dejected and a bit angry, the first string goes outside and tells the others what just happened.

When the second string hears the story, he decides he wants to give it a try. He goes in, walks straight up to the bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender looks right at him and says, "Hey, just like I told your buddy, we don't serve strings here." Denied his refreshment, the second string storms out of the bar with the same story to tell his friends.

By this time the third string is getting pretty thirsty and decides he isn't going to give up yet. After thinking for a little while, he messes up his hair a bit, gets himself all twisted up, and heads into the bar. As he approaches the bar and orders his drink, the bartender looks at him for a moment and then asks, "Say, aren't you a string?"

The third string replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

[Icey Dominus]

Two condoms walk passed the a gay bar one condom says to the other condom "lets go in and get **** faced"

[Tef]

I don't have time to go to Bangkok, but Phuket, it seems like the way to go.

[Mattfolx]

"knock-knock"

"Who's there"

"A N****R WITH A GUN, THAT'S WHO!!!"

[professor whovianart]

my brother`s favourite joke is:

two fish swim upstream, they run into a wall, they look at each other, and one says to the other, dam.



a mouse runs into a bar, then says 'ouch'

[Tai]

Alright punny Physics time.

[cuelix]

hmmm bad jokes ummm

what are super mario's pants made of?

denim denim denim

.......

I wonder if people will still get that without hearing the phonetics <.<

[Icey Dominus]

Idk BUT I remember that when I was a kid cassette tape and all

[Mattfolx]

What do you call 2 banana peels?

A pair of slippers XD

[Tef]

This is still my all time favourite. xD

Why Hockey is better than Sex:

It's legal to earn money playing hockey.
Many people play hockey even after they're married.
The puck's always hard.
The protective equipment is reusable.
It lasts at least an hour.
A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon.
You always know how big the stick is.
You can clean your stick in public without anyone minding.
You can change players on the fly.
You don't have to be embarrassed if you don't get the puck up.
Everyone is finished when the buzzer sounds.
Your parents cheer when you score.
Periods last only 20 minutes.
You're sure to get it at least twice a week.
You can tell your friends about it afterward.

[Icey Dominus]

Tef, Mattfolx, and Icey all die and go to heaven, God appears and takes us all to a gold course telling us we can play forever just as long as we dont hit a duck.

So we are playing for a few century's and Icey hits a duck god comes down and say you hit a duck and suddenly a totally unattractive grotesque mean guy appears and he sends us off to live together forever.

Then Tef and Mattfolx are left to play, they play for a few more hundred years and finally Tef hits a duck and the same thing happens to him except the girl/guy is a hundred times WORSE than that last.

So poor Mattfolx is left playing alone for thousands of years then suddenly god appears and Mattfolx yells "I DIDN'T HIT A DUCK PLEASE I DIDN'T HIT A DUCK!!"

God laughs and a girl appears and he says "I know but she did"

[Tef]

You just made my dreary cold afternoon a happy one, Icey. *growls in content*  :-3

[Icey Dominus]

*YYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!* glad to be of services  :-3 :-3 :-3 :-3 ;D ;D ;D