Stupid funny jokes ! aka PUNS!! or riddles that would be cool to

[Phyr]

Heard that bridge joke couple times but it's still a good Joke.

Ok Unition Goes to hell! Everywhere he goes he sees these clocks hanging on the walls. Some are going going quick some at a regular pace. Under every clock is a name rat, tef, tai, every guy he knows and every guy he doesn't know except for this guy named Icey. All of a sudden the devil walks around the corner. Unition asks the devil, i know i am in hell but what are all these clocks for? The devil explains, well every time some guy masterbates the clock start going. The more they masterbate the faster it gets. Unition's ahh I see, well I have found every guy I know and every guy I don't know except for this guy named Icey. The devil starts laughing. His is in the office we use his as a fan!


Little Johnny woke up in the middle of the night and went to the
bathroom. On the way back to bed, he passed his parents room. When
he looked in, he noticed the covers bouncing.
  He called to his dad, "Hey Dad, what are you doing?"
  The dad answered, "Playing Cards".
  Little Johnny asked, "Whose your partner?"
  The dad answered, "Your mom".
  Little Johnny then passed by his older sister's room. Again, he
noticed the covers bouncing.
  He called to his sister, "Hey Sis, what are you doing?"
  The sister answered, "Playing Cards."
  Little Johnny asked, "Whose your partner?"
  She answered, "My boyfriend."
  A little later, the Dad got up and went to the bathroom (naturally).
As he passed Little Johnny's room, he noticed the covers bouncing.
  He called to his son, "what are you doing?"
  Little Johnny answered, "Playing Cards."
  The Dad asked, "Really? Whose your partner?"
  Little Johnny answered,..."You don't need a partner if you have a
good hand".



Edna and Bill were two residents of a nursing home who had been
carrying on a love affair.  They were both 96 years old and
wheelchair bound. Every night they would meet in the TV Room. Edna
would passively hold Bill's Penis, and they would watch TV for an
hour or so.  It wasn't much, but it was all they had.
  One night Bill didn't show up. He didn't show up for the next
two nights either.  Edna assumed he was dead, but then she saw him
happily wheeling about the grounds.
  She confronted him and said, "Where were you the past couple of
nights?"
  He replied, "If you must know, I was with another woman."
  "Bastard,", she cried.  "What were you doing?"
  "We do the exact same thing that you and I do," he answered.
  "Is she prettier or younger than I am?", she asked.
  "Nope, she looks the same, and she is 98 years old," Bill replied.
  "Well then, what does she have that I don't?", Edna asked.
  Bill smiled and said, "Parkinson's disease."




One day little Johnny heard a noise and peeked into his parents room to
check it out. He opened the door to see his mom bent over the dresser and
dad going at it behind her. Johnny's dad saw him and gave him a little wink
as Johnny closed the door. After business was finished Dad went to check on
little Johnny. He opened his bedroom door to find Grandma bent over the
dresser and little Johnny going at it behind her.  Dad yelled, 'Johnny, what
the hell are you doing?!'Little Johnny replied, 'It's not so funny when it's
your mom is it?!'

[Fuzzum]

"Guess what"




"Chicken butt"

[Fuzzum]

"No i got an even Better one"



"DUTY!"

[professor whovianart]

knock knock....

who`s there,

'hey', how did you know it was me???

:-3

[Tef]

I see your knock knock jokes about pronouns, professor, and I shall raise you and the topic with this.

Chris Tucker: Rush Hour 3 - You, Me, Him (Yu, Mi, Him)

[Kenin Wardell]

A woman goes to the doctor for a physical
she asks where to put her clothes in the mean time
The doctor says right next to his. :birdy:

[tokar]

how to define a good surrey girl.  one that is in bed by 10 and home by 2

how does a surrey girl turn on the light?    she opens the car door

why don't asians play hockey?  when they get into the corner they get an urge to open a store.

living in vancouver means you never have to say you are surrey.

why do elephants wear red nail polish?      to hide in cherry trees.  ever see an elephant in a cherry tree.  it works

how to catch an elephant.  dig a big pit big enough for the elephant.  have a fire inside the pit to fill it with ashes. then cover the pit with leaves and grass to hide the pit of ashes.  now place peanuts all around the pit.  when the elephant comes to eat the peanuts,  ......
kick it in the ash hole.

[Tai]

Alright I need to add more puns to this thread. Here is a good one for the last bit of summer.