smexualities

[Shiro]

Hey there people. Seii got some questions for you all because seii is dumb and his head is bad.

*cough *
So I've been in a few relationships over the 20 years I've been alive, and it's come down to be a really awkward chart. 50% female, 50% male. 25% of males wanted to be females, and 25% females wanted to be males. Crazy shit crazy shit crazy SHIT. Bleh. Here's the bigger more important part;

We keep breaking up because one of two things happen:
A) they get angry because I won't have sex with them
B)  I break up with them because I feel terrible for not being able to have any kind of sexual feeling towards them.

Now, I love having friends, and I can get romantically attached to people - such as growing fond feelings for them - but I rarely develop enough each energy I guess to actually want to be in bed with people. Am I broken? I don't understand fhghrgrghdhddhgrh.


I have no idea and I'm super confused. I've recently gotten into a relationship with a really super nice person who doesn't seem to mind if we don't have sex, but I feel super terrible about it! Is it wrong to feel bad about not wanting to have sex, or is that okay?

I guess the questions I want answered are "can you not be attracted to anything sexually" and "should I feel bad about not having sex with your SO?"

Thanks,
Seii ;-;

[TimePages]

It's not a terrible thing what so ever, I'm sort of the same way, I like physical contact like cuddling and petting but... I really dislike the thought of people viewing me sexually and I can't really imagine others doing stuff sexually either for some reason. I mean SURE, they probably have but... I just can't imagine people close to me doing that stuff. People kind of make fun of me for that but that's just the way I am, abstinence is definitely a thing, right? Plus others might view it as a good thing that you don't want them just to be in bed with them.
I kind of view it as more of a pure love instead of just loving them for the sake of it I guess?
Anyways, don't view yourself as broken because that's horrible! >~> Just be yourself and see how everything turns out!

[FennecNyan]

Nothing is wrong with you, some people are just asexual (is that the right word?). If you are open, honest, and upfront with whomever you start to date about your feelings towards sexual matters that's the best thing to do. Best to just know from the start if the person you are interested in will accept your views, respect them, or share the same emotions. If they aren't well, maybe it's best to stay friends - if they are, they knew fully what they are getting into and i'm sure they genuinely care about you to put that manner aside. You don't have to feel guilty as the cards were on the table from the start, and they have no reason to be upset about the manner as it was informed to them at the beginning.

I don't have the same feelings as you towards sexuality, however, I am very straightforward with what I want in a relationship from the start. I find not many people actually want a long term relationship, that is monogamous. So from the start I put that on the table. It scares some people off, but you know, if they're interested in me then they should be fully aware of my emotions and reasoning, and accept me for that if they want to be my partner as I would equally accept their feelings. My longest relationship has been four years, so I can't say that's a total failure in doing so.

TL;DR
Be yourself. Be honest. Lay the cards on the table.
"Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter"
: )

[Rushlight]

Nothing wrong.
You can be Asexual without being Aromantic, which would seem to be your case.
It's jsut something you have to recognize about yourself.
It could also be that as a person you've been so focused on having open minded you don't know what you DO like. so you get romantically attached without thinking if you find them attractive, or what you would find attractive.

Anywho thats all i've got.

[kohl]

Sex is designed for reproduction. If I don't find qualities in someone to bear my offsping then I lose a lot of the sexual attraction. I may still find them attractive or desirable, but without the desire to procreate there's little in the desire to sex. Humans are awkward. You have sex, they get all sweaty, then that becomes sticky and abrasive, they smell funny, your room becomes smelling funny, you gotta have a shower afterwards, then you think in the shower 'what's been learned from this?'.

[Samurai Kai]

You're totally fine. It's the same with me too. I guess guys just have crazy hormones >.> I don't trust the whole sex thing until I know for sure they'd never leave me just like that... which, by the way would take a long time... because, you know. Samurai morals are stronger than the average "morals". :P I don't expect anyone I ever meet to be okay with that, and that's fine too.

I know there's nothing wrong with me if they think there's something wrong with me then it's all on them. Nothing wrong with having boundaries unlike some people.

[Shiro]

It's not so much the having or lack of boundaries for me, it's just the lack of enjoyment of sex. I love being around people but when it comes to sex just... Eh. .. weh... no thanks.

Now if you wanna hug and watch anime all day please Mary me.

[Cassiden]

Yep sounds like asexuality. I think there is asexual furs here.

[Neox]

Human sexuality is a very fluid and fickle demon. For some, it consumes them. For others, it's casual and recreational, and comes and goes like the weather. For a few people like yourself, it doesn't even enter the picture, nor does it have to.

I know people who are asexual. Some have past history that ruined the experience for them, while others just don't feel the instinctual drive to reproduce and find other things to do with their time. I personally quite enjoy it, but I can take it or leave it. It's not something that I NEED to have to be happy. I've been known to pass on a booty call to just sit down and drink beer with a friend, because I found it to be a more valuable use of my time.

There is nothing wrong with you. There may be something wrong with how you present yourself to your prospective partners. If you know that you're asexual and have no libido towards other people, it may be necessary to inform the person in whom you express interest very early in the relationship. Like, on the first date.

You may also have to prepare yourself to deal with the implications of it. Some people need that physical/emotional connection. Sex is known to be great stress relief after a long day and some folks use it for that. If you find yourself in a relationship with a person who does want the physical connection with another person, you should be ready and willing to allow them to have a sexual partner, be it a friend-with-benefits, mistress, etc.

But you never know. You might just one day find your match in a person who also has no need for sex, and you can get married and adopt lots of children! =P

[Pat The Fox]

I will be but an echo here, but not having intimate relations is a perfectly normal things. There are many reasons why such energy is lacking, from the type of relation ship or moment, to biological factors that just keep libido supressed. You shouldn't feel anything is wrong with you just because you're not up to becoming intimate in that manner. Affection, love and all those wonderful feelings can be conveyed in many ways.

Also, as you grew and change, things could also change. One day some hormone could kick in, or something inside you or in the environment causes a switch and your libido could sky-rocket. It may just be a part of your development.