Is it too late... (it's a bit long, sorry)

bigjonesb · April 07, 2012, 04:26:46 AM

Firstly, I apologize for the length of this post, as I want to let people know I have no evil intentions

Secondly, I apologize if I made anyone feel uneasy about my previous topic "Some Questions", I was merely trying to get better understanding of what furry was to more people, as I had only talked to one furry before coming here. It was only my intent to understand as I feel I may be one, and feel I stepped on a lot of tails with those questions.

I had no idea how bad the media plays furry off as a joke, as I don't fully partake in the media. I have a tendency to write as formal as I can when I first talk to new people. As I had no idea how bad things had gotten between media and furries, I wouldn't think my formality would trip any alarms as to make you think I was here to twist words for a cheap buck. If I felt like I knew the community, I would've most likely dropped the all of the fancy, schmancy media sounding talk.

Once I begin to understand things here, and when people know what I mean, I'll be more informal and might get too relaxed and slip a swear word in. Because, like you, I don't want to have my words skewed, and wind ticking off people. That's the reason I was asking questions, as I don't want to do or say something that could bring more headache and grief to an already reeling community. The last thing I want to do is to put more fuel on the already raging fire.

I hope to gain some of your trust back, as I feel some of you are already to the point of avoiding me all together. I have no ties to media, and doubt I ever will. After I found out the media situation, I could understand why some of you freaked out when you saw my questions, written as they were. I understand if some of you don't talk to me for a bit, as it can be hard to trust just anyone.

I would to send a shout out to those who did answer, at a great risk of exposing themselves, to help me better understand what furry means to them. Sometimes, there will be someone like me who just wants to know if they can be a part of this community, and may seem like an imposter, but just lacks a better knowledge of the culture.

Thank you

Crassadon · April 07, 2012, 04:33:55 AM

oh, I don't think you need to worry so much; we all still like you :-3

bigjonesb · April 07, 2012, 07:30:20 AM

I appreciate the reassuring response.

I can tell you, my run-in with those calling themselves furries hasn't always been good, I remember back when I was playing PGR3, I would join a room that not only had a great signal, but a gamertag that indicated that the host might be furry, My assumption was correct, but they did not act on the best interest of furries everywhere, degrading "humans", granted, I wasn't so open when I stated on xbox live, so i didn't say anything, because I had pretty much no info on furry at that time. I kept joining a few times in the few weeks, to see if maybe the first time was just an off day. but time and time again, the same thing, ran off the track, calling anyone not furry an idiot. but at the time, I did not have my friend from La. so i had no real way of knowing what furry was beyond what this guy and his friend were doing.

I think it was a setback for me personally, as I was being treated poorly by this person, a furry treating me badly, I feel it was somewhat my fault for not speaking up and saying I would like to know more, but from his actions, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't share any info anyways had I said anything. In any situation, I was starting to doubt myself about being furry also because his other fur-iends didn't exactly tell him to stop when he ran me off-track and said I was a bad driver, granted, I wasn't as good back then as I am now, still no pro, but better now. So if you could imagine a couple of furries (around 2-3, depending who was there) pretty much harassing you. Needless to say, it wasn't the start I needed to get going

Silvermink · April 07, 2012, 10:06:50 AM

I honestly think you're putting too much thought into "joining the community". Furry isn't an exclusive club where you have to be vetted by the members and your motivations put under a magnifying glass. If you want to and have the interest, just claim the label.

As I've said, furries are a large, diverse bunch with lots of different attitudes, approaches, and motivations. There are cool people and there are jerks, as you point out in your second message. It's a mistake to assume it's a completely cohesive group where everyone is moving in the same direction and has the same feelings about everything.

I don't have anything against you. You made a statement in one of your posts that I was pretty unimpressed by (i.e., the whole "furries are the new gays/blacks" thing), but I said as much and I think you understood why I was annoyed, so if you got that, no harm done.

Tef · April 07, 2012, 10:58:36 AM

It's best to start off with some set of formalities when you introduce yourself in any circumstance, furry or not, so there's nothing wrong with that sort of tendency.

Like I said, I enjoyed talking and sharing my points with you, but having said that, "reeling" might not be a good term to describe the community in general. Just because our interests, identity, hobby, you name it, gets battered down doesn't mean we should give up on our afore-mentioned senses above.

I couldn't put it better than Silvermink in terms of just how diverse the furry community is.

bigjonesb · April 07, 2012, 02:04:33 PM

I still feel bad for giving that impression. I wasn't trying to equate the struggles, it was more on how the media made targets out of them.

Maybe reeling was a little strong, but it can be a setback when you get hit with bad PR. Sure you're not just gonna say "screw this I'm done" after any or every setback, but it can be discouraging to think there's going to be progress made, usually, right after a bad PR incident. Progress will always be made, but bad incidents can take their toll.

Personally, I'm the kinda guy that second-guesses himself, has fears that can be hard to deal with at times, and yes, I do have a tendency to over-think things, sometimes stupid little things. I'm looking for acceptance from peers, a pack if you will. I should've made an introduction but I didn't know what I would say. The fact the you guys don't want to "go all aggro on me" is a relief.

I know now that the guys on the game were just being jerks, again thanks in part to my La. "fur"iend, who helped me realize that. and hopefully I can make some "fur"iends out of you

Slivermink you said "If you want to and have the interest, just claim the label". The thing is I don't want to misuse the label, that's why I've seemed all uptight.

zenia · April 07, 2012, 02:24:35 PM

Quote from: bigjonesb on April 07, 2012, 02:04:33 PM"fur"iend

I cringe every time you say that. XD

Neox · April 07, 2012, 03:04:07 PM

Quote from: zenia on April 07, 2012, 02:24:35 PM
I cringe every time you say that. XD

"Murr" is worse >.=.<

Wildfire · April 07, 2012, 03:24:53 PM

How about 'Scritches'?

zenia · April 07, 2012, 03:33:06 PM

heh Furry specific words aren't so bad, it is when you mutilate a regular word to make it furry. XDD Just don't go to the Fur Affinity forums and use those words. They'd jump all over ya.

Silvermink · April 07, 2012, 05:42:56 PM

Quote from: bigjonesb on April 07, 2012, 02:04:33 PMSlivermink you said "If you want to and have the interest, just claim the label". The thing is I don't want to misuse the label, that's why I've seemed all uptight.

IMO, if you want to call yourself a furry and you have the interest, you aren't misusing the label. That's really all that's required.

bigjonesb · April 07, 2012, 06:10:34 PM

See, that's why I'm here, I didn't know "Fur-iend" was something that made people cringe, now I know not to use it. I don't know a lot of the specific lexicon, and assumed it was normal talk. I know now to avoid merging words in such fashion.

KodaOtter · April 07, 2012, 07:02:59 PM

I have read a lot of your post and Have been following your topics (thou I have not spoken up until now).

Just be yourself. be happy enjoy the company of others, if you want to know what the commuinty is like come to some of the events held.

Evfery tuesday is sushi Night (its listed on the Calendar) there is a number of us that go there to just enjoy ones company and to make new friends and to get to know one another better and are group for that event is growing!! ^.^ we welcome all kinds to come, be you Furry or Human. we welcome with open arms. there are more events happening everyday that I think would give you a better light and a better understanding of the commuinty just by going.

CampFur is coming Up soon as well ^.^

you know something. You remind me of myself years ago when I was 14 (im 30 now) when I found that I loved play a Animal Character a wolf at that time but granted I never did know about the Furries then, I found out about the furries years later when I was 20. and my very first intruduction to the fandom was FC 07 my first day going to a con was Scarey and over welming, but after teh first day I relaxed and opened up and oh my did I have the time of my life, I was able to be myself, I made so many new friends that we are still friends to this day. as well as I ment people I knew from my childhood that I was Like wow. in short I was the happiess I had ever been in a long time...

ya there was things I came across in the fandom that I was not so impressed with but that just goes to say every fandom, every event, every group, any place of event held people, in the world furry or not with have bad press, or black sheep. but if you can look passed the bad you will see more good. ( just look at the news, and everyone will agree with this, : there is always more bad news said and shown everywhere you look. Thou Good is far more around us. but as a people we all want to see and read the bad. there is more good in this world its just we Like to see the bad. )

this is why dont Google furry, you will be hard pressed to find a Lot of good on that search. and unless you know what to search your outcome will be 70% wrong x.x

myself. Im a furry and I have been asked so much what is it, and its always the hardest question to answer, because we all are different.

you Ask "what is a furry to you?" and you ask that to 20 people. you will get 20 different answers. because if you are asking the question to yourself. "what is a furry to ME?" its what comes from your heart not your mind.

but the best way I can say to you is. if you feel it within. then you are. come to the events we all love to have new people/furs come join us, its a great way to learn new things and make new friends :)

Koda Otter

bigjonesb · April 07, 2012, 08:49:12 PM

I don't want to bore you with the details of my life, but I been pretty much a "loser" all my life. NO real life friends nearby, No girlfriend, and roughly 10 and a half years from now, I could replace Steve Carrell as 40 year old virgin, but you'd have to replace all the action figures with 1:18 car models, lol. But really, I am my worst critic

It's not that I wouldn't join in on some events and absorb more of the culture, but the fact I live here in Kamloops, and most stuff happens on the coast, and with no car and not a lot of money, I'm unfortunately pretty much held down here. I wouldn't mind going to the campfur event, just to go camping, not to mention a chance properly understand furries. And the sushi thing sounds like it would be good.

zenia · April 07, 2012, 09:06:37 PM

There are a few furries in Kamloops if I remember correctly.

I live on the Island (Nanaimo) and not much happens around here either. :P But hanging out on the forums is nice. Just be yourself and don't worry about what you might think "all furries" do or whatever to try and be more like what you think the standard might be... 'cause there is none. :)