Just need to get something off my chest.

[velvetkytten]

I'm sitting at my computer crying my heart out. I am waiting. The family who is taking her in is coming today.

I feel like a part of me is dying.

She has been my everything since 2003 when she stole my heart. I first saw her in the C.A.R.E.S. room at the Langley Pet Smart. I went to visit her every weekend for MONTHS. I wanted her so much. I fell in love with her eyes and her colors and well.. just her.

Jarod, my boy friend at the time, saw how I wanted her. So one day while I was at work (Walmart) He did the most sweetest thing. He went and adopted her for me.

I came to our little apartment opened the door and there she was. Waiting for me.
I broke into tears of joy.

She has been there for my hardship of walmart firing me wrongfully, she was there through all the pain while trying to find out what was wrong with me health wise. She was also coming in the bathroom to check up on me while I spend hours crying on the toilet from all the blood. She was there for me when I was diagnosed with crohn's.
She always knew how to make me smile.

She was there when Jarod and I broke up the many times. She was with me when I suffered from living with Jarod's family and back to my family. She has been my rock.
She always knows when I need her the most.

and right now. It feels like she knows that I'm sending her away and she is hiding from me. All I want to do is hold her and cry.

She isn't even gone yet and I can't stop crying.
I feel like I'm losing a part of myself.
I hate that this has happened.

All because I got a life. All because My room mate helped me get out of the house more ofter. All because I fell in love and spend time with Squish outside of my home.

I've tried so many things to help her, stop her , and love her and nothing has worked.
She refuses to let me be happy outside of my home. She just lashes out by peeing on my things to show she is upset.

How am I supposed to live ? how do I have her without peeing on my stuff... and have a social l life.

the family who is taking her lives on a farm. And have said I am more then welcome to visit her and that will keep updating me on how she is. So I know she will be happy and safe. But the idea that I can't hold her and pet her when I'm alone and sad. Hurts so much.
To never see her sitting on my windowsill looking at me.... meowing at me to pet her... to feel her walking on my chest to wake me up to feed her.....

when I've had these things since 2003.

It hurts.
It hurts so bad.


I know this is a forum and I'm not trying to get everyone to comfort me. I just feel so empty right now. Writing helps me deal with such hurts.

[Star Wonder]

Just know she is going to a better place where she won't have to lash out... She loves you. My cat pees on things but it's because I can't get her fixed. So I know how you feel about that... I have to make sure anyone that comes over keeps their clothing and what not off the floor.

I hope you will get to see her now and then. I use to volunteer for C.A.R.E.S and it's a wonderful place, very hard work and lots of love go into those cats.

You did a good job hun. She loves you.

[velvetkytten]

now the people who had me waiting all night canceled. I don't even know if they will take her or not. :( I wish I knew what to do.

[Star Wonder]

I wish I could take her >> My dad might take her XD

[Vanilla Skunk]

I hear your cries, and I understand how hard it is to deal with...  I've lost a few animals in my lifetime that have shown me the same kind of compassion.

If you still need somewhere for your bundle of fluff to go, let me know, I might be able to do something about it, where you can still go visit her whenever you like.  My sister rescues animals, and finds them homes when they're healthy enough.

Mucho hugs, try and be strong. :3

[velvetkytten]

Unfortunately she is gone now. :( At least she isn't hurting.

[Mirka]

I'm sorry you had to go through that. :( *offers hugs*

[Fargo]

*hugs tightly*

[velvetkytten]

thanks everyone. I'm doing a lot better now. It is still weird for me... I'm so used to the routine of feeding her and cleaning up her stuff... most nights I keep looking at her spots expecting to see her little face. :(

I still feel weird when I'm getting ready for bed. I used to keep her in my room at night... so it's weird to not be doing the usual.

[mArZiPaN!]

Aww :( hope it hurts less over time...