Was I really that wrong

ravewoif · April 25, 2012, 09:51:32 PM

Today I broke up with my girlfriend and his was the first time I was the one breaking up with the the other person. I took her aside at lunch time and told her that I've been thinking a lot and realized that this relationship would work and she said that she understood and was having the same thoughts. 10 minutes later her friend calls me saying that she was crying and wanted to talk to me. When I got to her she started flipping out at me asking how I could do it so abruptly and without giving her a reason, which I would have given had she not stormed off, or without talking to her about it before or just break up with her later in the day. What I don't get is was I really that wrong to not want to pretend that everything is fine all day, that I didn't want to waste her and my time talking about it when it was clearly not going to work? She aways said that she hated everyone because they weren't mature enough and yet she fell to hypocrisy in a second. She even left me with this wonderful selection from porcelain black
im not a bad girl , your just a prude
your a little bitch and im straight up rude
i keep it blunt while you beat around the bush
you like to hug and baby boy i like to push
you dont have to like me , cuz i dont like you
your to beige and i need black and blue
i want a boy that tastes like whiskey and ciggarettes so who's it going to be
who's gonna be next ;p

zenia · April 25, 2012, 11:03:18 PM

It would have been good to give her a reason... but at least you told her you wanted to break up. Van just disappeared off the face of the planet. I was/am furious with him, but it makes me feel guilty, because for all I know he could be dead.

ravewoif · April 25, 2012, 11:26:10 PM

Well I did give her a reason after she calmed down and she said that she understood my reasons and thats he was considering breaking up the relationship too, but i guess she was a lot more attached than I though as it turns out she has been crying all day and now I feel like a complete ass. I don't see why people get so emotional after a relationship ends because if it ends then that means something was wrong with it and if anything you should be happy that you arent stuck in a relationship wasting your time while the right person could be there, but your tied to an anchor. But I guess I'm just a different type of person.

zenia · April 25, 2012, 11:54:27 PM

Well, even if something ends, it doesn't mean the feelings go away like they were never there. ;)

Temrin · April 26, 2012, 12:38:10 AM

As Zenia said, just because its over, and reasons are understood, doesnt mean that the feelings you may have had for another person will vanish instantly. thats really not how it works unless a person falls out of love from another. No breakup is easy. At least one party will feel the brunt end of it, regardless of how nicely or maturely you try to break it off.

ravewoif · April 26, 2012, 04:22:41 PM

Now it's getting slightly amusing she is trying to find every possible reason to be mad at me. That apperently some of my close friends have told her that I said she was a piece of meat and and easy lay.

zenia · April 26, 2012, 05:21:25 PM

That makes me think that when she told you she was ok with it... but was just telling you that so you didn't feel bad or something, but is having second thoughts and wants you to feel as bad as she does.

Thats like when Van would ask if I would still help him with his art if we ever broke up. I said yes to make him feel better... and probably would have done a few things... but after what he did to me, I wouldn't do anything for him anymore.

ravewoif · April 26, 2012, 05:29:45 PM

You are right. Though it's not that she wants to make me feel bad because she knows she can't. I've been with her long enough to realize something. Her last boyfriend fucked up and she acts like he hates him with a burning passion, but I can tell that she still liked him and was just picking at things in hopes of finding the smallest reason to hate him to cover up her real feelings. Looks like I'm next, and never getting my hat back :( Ya it's always really really weird and painful when an ex that hurt you deeply comes wants to stay in touch and actually get something out of you.

Temrin · April 26, 2012, 05:57:45 PM

Hating someone in a breakup is easier to get over/pretend that you dont care about, then one you are trying to still be friends with. (specially if feelings are still there.)
I dont blame her for trying to find a reason, but if there is no legit reason to dislike someone (other then 'they left me" ), she's just kinda making things harder on herself in the long run. It'll back fire eventually :/

Drake Wingfire · April 27, 2012, 12:10:35 AM

You approached it in a mature manner and were honest, something I don't think she can accept to see if she had that kind of reaction... I just cringe when people want to drag it out and play the pretend/ lying game for so long when they have already made up their minds. I know I am only seeing your side of things here, but the picture painted doesn't make her out to be the most... mentally stable. We all get emotional when we breakup. I should know, I have probably been in too many relationships in my time. But most all of mine I was able to walk away on more mutual understanding terms. At my worst I was heart broken and depressed, but I didn't go all crazy and lash out like that. Its not the mature thing to do. There is a huge difference between claiming maturity and actually being mature. Its hard for me to sympathize with someone if they are searching for reasons to be mad and spiteful. I simply cannot sympathize with that kind of behavior, just a matter of principle with me.

But these are the words of a gay guy who has only ever dated other guys, I know that we often have it rather easy in the communication and straight forwardness areas.

ravewoif · April 27, 2012, 09:23:29 AM

Breaking up with a guy is easer because they have the same mentality, but girls are vicous little creatures. She is an attention whore and the worst kind at that. Instead of acting out she puts herself in situations where you have to feel sorry for her. Many time this has got me into trouble as I could see right through her facade and had absolutly no sympathy.

zenia · April 27, 2012, 10:31:04 AM

Quote from: ravewoif on April 27, 2012, 09:23:29 AMgirls are vicous little creatures

Be careful. Not all girls are.

Temrin · April 27, 2012, 01:17:54 PM

Agreed with Zenia. Dont judge the whole from just a part.
Just because one girl acts like that doesn't mean all do.
Its no different then there are men who aren't as easy going as you might think about breakups.
Each person, is their own person. Gender really doesn't matter. More and more these days i'm finding girls who act like men and men who act like girls. There really is no defining line anymore. Yes, we have slightly different mentatilites but that doesn't mean people don't break that mold.

Dont let one bad egg ruin your view. That will only limit your vision and possibly cause you to miss a person that might actually be a good match for you. Regardless of gender.

zenia · April 27, 2012, 01:25:07 PM

Quote from: Temrin on April 27, 2012, 01:17:54 PMMore and more these days i'm finding girls who act like men and men who act like girls. There really is no defining line anymore. Yes, we have slightly different mentatilites but that doesn't mean people don't break that mold.

True that. I find I have stereotypical male thought patterns more than female ones. XD

ravewoif · April 27, 2012, 06:42:16 PM

Well sadly generalizations exist for a reason. True that not all girls are vicious just as not all guys are assholes, but the trends exists in both genders whether or not it applies to everyone. Though I guess what I should have said was immature girls are vicious just as immature boys are assholes.