Nihilist

[Neox]

Regardless of how small or big that part is now, it was a catalyst. Just because it does not feel entirely relevant at this time, doesn't mean that this escalation of attitude and numbness isn't caused by it. You've learned how to deal with it, sure, but what the others have said have good points. It is a part of what it is and finding someone to talk to about that, and other things is something that should be considered. Talking to said person about all the things you feel, is somewhere to start trying to shed light on what your emotions have become.

Talking to a professional is just a step. They know what they are talking about and there is a difference between a shrink and just someone to act as a counselor or friend in a bad time of life. Some people don't realize this. As i am not trying to put words in your mouth, i just felt the need to say that, as i've dealt with people in my own life that i know have needed someone to talk to but refused to go because they thought that going to someone for help would account to them being crazy or some such notion.

Theres no shame in it, and writing this here was very brave of you. :3
I really hope you find some healing, somewhere. As Unition said, there will come a person who will snap you back into your spot in life. It just takes time, as much as i hate to say it, because i know how hard it is to deal and be patient for however long it takes.

I am very glad that you are still out there and doing things with your life. Its very good.

I have thought of seeking a counsellor/therapist and have a trained individual perform an analysis.  I'm willing to do this, but I'm unsure of where to start.  I don't know where to look, to be honest.  I really should take action towards it; I'm sure my company health-care would cover the costs.

And hey, I'm a "take-life-by-the-horns" kind of person.  If I can't get back on my feet to at least stagger-on, then I must be dead. =)

Thank you for your kind words and support.

May I please just start by saying it's mighty bold of you to come forth with this. I've a lot of respect for you for doing that.

Sadly, I don't really have much in the way of actual advice to offer. I've never felt how you've just described, and I can't speak from experience. At best, all I can do is spew a bunch of optimistic rhetoric and hope the best for you. But at the very least, I can share my thoughts in hopes that something might help.

If you don't mind me saying, it could very well be depression. It manifests itself in different ways varying from person to person, and it's not always feelings of sadness or lethargy. I can't list all the ways it can manifest, but there are plenty. I can't say for certain that depression really does have anything to do with this, but it's worth considering at least.

Personally, I think it would be best to talk to a professional. There really is no shame in seeing one, and they're there to help us sort our lives and minds out when we're having trouble doing it ourselves. If you fear it may be Sociopathy, Nihilism or Depression, then I personally feel it wouldn't hurt to either confirm or dispel those fears, and in the event of the former: to find a solution.

Ultimately, though, I really hope the best for you. I can't imagine or pretend to imagine how you feel, but you have my sympathies and best wishes.

I don't deny that it could be clinical depression I'm suffering from.  It's just that it's so weird for me to think of it as such after I've seen so many other cases of depression... each one of them nothing like what I have here.  I still feel happy about many things.  I still go out and do the things I love doing and have fun doing them.  It's just my relationships with people that has seemed to turn sour.  I still enjoy my life but with this odd little sore that makes it difficult to enjoy it to its fullest.

As I said in my last post, I am open to the idea of seeking a professional counsellor.  I don't actually believe I'm a sociopath, as I have too much genuine concern for people in my life.  I'm not actually a real nihilist since the very fact I'm talking about this stuff trumps that.

Thanks for the help and well-wishes. =)

[Temrin]

I have thought of seeking a counsellor/therapist and have a trained individual perform an analysis.  I'm willing to do this, but I'm unsure of where to start.  I don't know where to look, to be honest.  I really should take action towards it; I'm sure my company health-care would cover the costs.

And hey, I'm a "take-life-by-the-horns" kind of person.  If I can't get back on my feet to at least stagger-on, then I must be dead. =)

Thank you for your kind words and support.

As far as i know, you can actually just go to your family doctor and ask them. I've never had to do it myself but this is what friends have told me.

Perhaps it might be a thought to just make an appointment and tell them whats happening. They normally can forward you to a specialist :D

I'm glad you are open to the possibilities and not denying it. (I wish more people were like you. :P)

*hugs* Take care!

[Neox]

I am going to take this huge leap here and say I think this does still have to do with your ex.
I know you deny this, I know you think you have moved on, but honestly, you cannot really move on from this crap until you have forgiven your ex for all the shit she has put you through. And you have to also forgive YOURSELF for taking all of her crap, for letting her lead you on. I am not saying you need to have a talk with her, this can all be within your own mind, but this, as we say 'catalyst', is a toxic substance that is eating at your soul, and keeping you from living joyfully and thoroughly. If it is not in your conscious mind you can bet it is rotting within your subconscious.
Forgiveness is the key. If ever you feel you need to talk to me or anyone about this, and try to get past it all, please do not hesitate.

You have taken the first step, which is to reach out, and I totally applaud you for this.
You are strong and you deserve to be released from this mess and allowed to live again.

Namaste, peace.

I wish it were that easy.  I am a very forgiving person and I always give people a chance to redeem themselves; however, I will never forgive my ex-girlfriend.  It is not in my capacity to do so, given the amount of pain she brought me after I trusted her so much.  I tried to talk to her after my anger had dulled, to find her reasoning and possibly understand what was going on in her head.  She only attempted to side-step my diplomatic inquisition and pretend like it didn't happen, which only caused me to become further angered at her infantile demeanour.  I harbour nothing but pure contempt for her and it is going to stay that way, I'm afraid.  She never apologized, never answered my questions, and never attempted to compensate me in any way.  Best of all is that she never experienced the loneliness that I have felt; she left me for another guy and then dumped him for yet another guy.  I have no forgiveness for a creature like her.  The very mention of her causes my skin to burn.

I have forgiven myself for nearly losing my self-control.  I have forgiven myself for being so naive to stay with her that long into the maelstrom.  I will never, ever forgive her.  Not even in death.

Despite what was said, I appreciate that you care enough to offer me advice.  Thank you.

[Van_Fox]

Women are bitches =/...well most of them.

[Temrin]

Women are bitches =/...well most of them.

>.>
Men can be just as much of a bitch/ass as women can.

[Selkit]

Women are bitches =/...well most of them.

For someone who has been trying so hard to skitter after a partner, I believe in your case, the adage about honey and vinegar applies.

To the OP, I do not mean to trivialize your situation, but I will put it forward so: There are ears to your words, and a roof over your head. There are meals on your table, and lights in your home. You can speak with any one of billions in a matter of seconds, and merely turn a valve to receive clean water. You're truly blessed, despite what you've lost, and you will regain what you have. Do not spend the most precious resource you have in fretting; Time, is irreplaceable. Cherish it and use it while you have it. Material things are replaceable. Relationships dissolve, reform and change. Locales change, and even a home is temporary. You will in time regain these things. I narrowly dodged bankruptcy a month ago. I am in the process of divorce. I have lost three members of my family in one year, and four friends in the year prior. I am soon to lose another family member. I have suffered a thirteen thousand dollar loss. I will live, and I will regrow. We will live with you, regrow with you, and listen.

[EmoFox]

I can understand the grudge. I won't get into details here, because I'm pretty guarded about my personal life in general, but I know where you're coming from on the forgiving thing. And it's not about forgiving. It's about letting go. She's not worth your time, she's not worth the effort that goes into hating her, or the energy that comes from thinking about her. Yeah, what she did was immature, hurtful, cruel, etc. but in the end it will come back to bite her in the ass, and she will spend her life alone, with empty relationships, hopping from one poor man to the next. Some of them will realize she used them, and others will remain blissfully unaware. But she herself will likely never have a fulfilling relationship with anyone. Not unless she can move past the person she is now, and in order to do that, she will have to come back and face you, answer your questions, and clear the air.

Don't forgive her. She doesn't deserve it. But let it go. The negative energy put into hating her, and feeling nothing but contempt for her, are likely a large part of whats causing you so much trouble in your other relationships.

I apologize if that doesn't make a lot of sense, I've never been all that good at piecing my thoughts together.

[Ember]

 I worked for every cent, every grain of wood in my house and every mile under my car, busting my balls to achieve my goals--sure as fuck harder than a good 10% of your ~98% who just sit around with their thumbs up their asses waiting for their welfare-cheques (which MY TAX MONEY PAID FOR) so that they can cash it in for booze and crystal meth.

Allow me to restate this clearer, so you have a better chance of understanding.

I didn't say you had it better than 98% of people in Canada, I said the world. You, by virtue of chance, were born here, in Canada.

At Twenty Two years old, you live better than most of the entire world, based on that chance.

Your water is clean, your parents didn't die of aids, and you don't have to worry about dieing to a mosquito bite.

As the odds of having been born into what the rest of the non-first world planet would consider the privileged, you are blessed.

[Brittany-shadowwolf]

Women are bitches =/...well most of them.

I think you just think that because you can't take it like a man. c:
Guys can be just as bitchy as girl can be. You are no exception.
Everyone has a little bit of a mean side to them.  Nuff said.
Life goes on~


~~shadowwolf

[Temrin]

I think you just think that because you can't take it like a man. c:
Guys can be just as bitchy as girl can be. You are no exception.
Everyone has a little bit of a mean side to them.  Nuff said.
Life goes on~


~~shadowwolf

<3 Better said then my post thats for sure. xD
You rock!

[Neox]

I don't understand why certain people here think I'm dwelling and stewing in events of the past.  I thought I had clearly explained that I have recovered significantly from what has happened; it is only a small part of my mind that is damaged/changed.  I'm still working, still living, still drawing, still hanging out with friends, still able to play xbox and go snowboarding.  I haven't once complained about my situation in terms of how I am doing and how I outwardly feel.  I have a problem that has been stuck with me for some time and I'm looking for help where I can find it, only to get people to tell me, "don't worry about it," and, "you think it's bad now, just wait another ten years and THEN see."

You don't think that when I was at my lowest point that I thought about all this?  It was probably everything I could do just to convince myself that things could be worse; that I could have stage-four cancer and 6 months to live; that I could have been born in Cambodia with not even a shirt on my back.  It's how I kept from completely receding from the world and instead was able to decide it was better for me to keep doing what I'm doing.  I was hit pretty hard by the breakup as it was.  She was everything I valued in my life.  I learned not to imbue so much meaning in one single person ever again as nothing lasts for ever.  I did take away many learned-lessons from the experience and settled it in my mind as something to be left in the past.

I'm not here to spill my guts out about my ex-girlfriend/being robbed/being alone and cry about it.  That just isn't my style.  I try to be a logical, problem-solving person.  I want to find out if there is a psychological issue with me and I want to see peoples' opinions and experiences on it.  I'm not here to compare myself with anyone, and you can't hope to begin comparing me to someone from a third-world country.  The situational differences are too great and the topic we are discussing isn't even a factor so please, enough with the "you could have it worse" comparisons.  I'm already well aware that I should be grateful for my life and I already told you that I am.

Women are bitches =/...well most of them.

My ex was the only female in my life who ever maliciously attacked me in such a way.  I have many female friends, some of whom I've been intimate with, that are wonderful, intelligent human-beings and prove your statement otherwise.

I won't even go into how many fist-fights, verbal-fights and silent-battles I've fought with men.  Hell, I'm in a political war with a couple of shit-heads at my work right now, both male.  I understand you are trying to comfort me, but as I said: this isn't about her anymore.

[Akonite]

I hope you can find the answers you are looking for, I wish you all the best in the coming years.

All I can say is to echo the good advice of Temrin and HexV, and say that counseling is an excelling option when feeling like your in a situation that you need assistance escaping. In Canada many of these services are free, and covered whether you have extended health care or not. Your best option is to start with your family doctor and he/she can point you in the direction of different options.

There is also info available:

http://www.counsellingbc.com/
http://www.cmha.bc.ca/bounceback
http://www.cmha.bc.ca/localhelp/gettinghelp

amongst others.

There is a very unfortunate stigma attached to the phrase 'mental health'. It does not have anything to do with being crazy, or having major psychological problems. A large part of the population need help in this area at some point during their lives, including myself. Be it from deaths, trauma, abuse, relationships or any other thing you could think of.

I for one do not agree with the idea of just 'looking on the bright side' or 'thinking of how good you have it'. Sometimes to find a solution you have to look at it head on, not just cover it with happy thoughts.

Good luck in all you do.