stress overload

Lutris Otter · May 26, 2012, 08:13:43 PM

so i've been really stressed out lately and alot of it has to do with relationship bs.
as most people know i've been single for 5 years and the 2 people i do have feelings for dont seem to share any of them, its getting to the point of me concidering some drastic actions that would nod be good for my health and my mental health is suffering

Drake Wingfire · May 26, 2012, 09:25:00 PM

Feel free to take what I say with a grain of salt.

If someone does not feel the same way about you as you do about them ( I get the sense that you have tried a few times to hit things off with them) then its a good sign to move past that chapter of the search. Its never a good idea to persistently peruse those who do not share the same feelings as it can lead to a lot of awkward tension and "bashing your head into a brick wall" so to speak, just meaning the more and more you try for those two people who im guessing already gave you an answer is just going to lead to more and more stress and drive you up the wall. It just has a snowball effect.

While I never had that particular experience with mateship, I have had it numerous times with people, like just trying to be friends with people. I liked them and throught they were pretty cool, always wanted to talk, hangout etc.. but they were always distant and avoided me many times, it drove me completley batty and into a bit of a depression. (which just made my situation worse) The best thing I ever did was finally acknowledge that I should not be dedicating so much of my time and energy towards people who in turn only made me feel more alone and depressed. I moved past even bothering with those people, put them behind me, moved on and in time met plenty of awesome people who liked me for me and who were always up for hanging out or even just talking online.

(post-posting note here) I am not saying to be indifferent and give people a cold shoulder, im just saying to not lock yourself on two people as the only possible ones out there.

Fuzzum · May 26, 2012, 11:35:13 PM

ok the advice Wingfire gave you sounds good, but if your just going to give up like that and pritty much cut all contact off, go for it ask one of them to lunch or dinnger just the 2 of you. thats all i got for ya.

im mostly the one who just wants to make friends and not take that chance and its just eating away at me. so go for it.

Sasha · May 27, 2012, 01:08:58 AM

It is very hard to get over someone if you see them often. If you pretend or try to convince yourself that you are just meeting them as "friends", but really feel otherwise at the end of the day, it may call the need for breaking off contact for good. There is absolutely nothing wrong with moving on. If the relationship (in its form) does more harm than good then is it really worth it? I wouldn't say so.

Before you do durastic stuffs write it on here, maybe it'll look silly and you will think otherwise. We'll support you the best we can, just talk to us :-3

Tyins Darkwulf · May 27, 2012, 01:31:45 AM

I don't know if my advise would be any good since I'm a lone wolf myself and mateship is not one of the biggest focuses of life (I'm very happy with being single, I've been married before and it wasn't really my thing.) But I'm a wise wolf so I hope my words can help at least make you reflect on making changes to your situation.

You need to disassociate your happiness from relationships in order to get over any emotional distress you may be going through for being single and chasing people who aren't interested in you. Stop focusing so much of your time on obtaining a relationship. Stop focusing on the same two people who don't like you back. You will never be happy if you bring all this onto yourself and getting into a relationship for the sole purpose of being happy won't cure your blues either. It's too heavy. Trust me, if you get into a relationship with a mate and it's not the right mate and things go south, you will feel worse than you feel now (I've been there!!! PLEASE TRUST ME ON THIS!!) and depending on the experience it could screw up your psyche more than you may seem yours is now.

You know, you may think you like those two people, but how you envision a relationship with them may not be how it will work out in reality. If they don't like you back, drop your feelings for them. Remain their friends if they wish to, but don't waste your time and energy on chasing tail that won't wag for you.

Also regarding "its getting to the point of me concidering some drastic actions that would nod be good for my health and my mental health is suffering" ... Dude, if you feel that you will harm yourself over your situation please seek professional help. The BC Crisis Centre offer hotlines available 24hrs a day for people who are going through emotional distress, contemplating suicide, etc. and I would strongly suggest for you to use their resources. Telephone numbers to speak to someone are listed here: http://www.crisiscentre.bc.ca/programs-services/distress-phone-services/

Lutris Otter · May 27, 2012, 03:58:30 AM

ok so update X)

as of today ironicaly at about 10:30 pm im in a relationship lol and it isnt one of the 2 i have openly displayed liking for it is someone who i have privately liked for a while but anywho im not single anymore and im happy to be with him X3 that is all

Fuzzum · May 28, 2012, 08:28:49 AM

Congrats on your "leap of faith", you are now one step closer to be an assain. ok bad joke aside seriously dude thats awsome.

tokar · May 29, 2012, 11:41:25 PM

congrats on the ?f. see what happens when you aren't looking. as for the other two, if you have to have one of them, you have to act and become the one they want. you have to make them want you. act like the way they want you to be. otherwise you can only be friends and no more.
i know you often think i am an arse, but if you want to talk, i can be serious.you know how to reach me.
good luck

Wereman · May 30, 2012, 11:12:40 AM

Congratulations on your mate, wish you time of happiness for the future together.

The above suggestions are well thought out. What is also important is maintain dialogue, which can be a challenge. Directly asking your potential mate what he/she wants at the same time you are afraid what the response is. But this will prevent hardships further down the road.

Though at times the harder you search the less likely you find it, there is this as well. At at times you do not care and out of the blue wonderful things happen.