Relationships with someone younger

[RainRat]

I would like some advice on how to approach relationships with someone younger. Not underage; I've got no interest in that.

I just feel that I don't want to be the creepy old guy who hits on younger furries. Even if I do find them attractive I just won't say anything about it to them.

Do you think it's okay to express that you find a younger furry attractive if you aren't looking for a relationship or anything with them?
What age should be a lower bound? (I'm 33)

[Duffy]

general rule is your age divided by 2 plus 7  ^^

33/2= 16.5+7=23.5  so around 23 your good ^^

and i'm giggling as i'm typing this cuz yer just sitting over there  :P

[bloodredruby]

In all honesty, I don't personally hold with the half plus seven rule. I feel that as long as a person is of legal age and returns the interest, they are fair game. Age is never as much a limiter as maturity is; I know people that are ten years my senior that act like children, and I know people that are younger than I am that have their heads on straight, and are very mature people.

I also think that it is totally fine to express that you find a younger furry attractive. Unless you are using a particularly....colorful and lurid vocab when you are doing so, people shouldn't get the wrong idea.

I don't think that you're going to be the creepy old guy, RainRat.  :)

[zenia]

As long as the person is legal and not too much younger... like maybe still within the 10 to 15 year gap range it is all good. If they welcome advances, then all the better. I would just beware that the maturity level might no be where you want it to be. I learned that the hard way. :(

[Duffy]

I personally don't use the half plus seven rule either. I know a couple with a 22 year spread in age and they've been together a long time, happily>  :3

[Renwaldo]

As long as they're legal, I say go for it. We're all adults here. We have no need to fear one another. :hug:

[Pat The Fox]

It all depends on your comfort, really. If you don't feel comfortable with someone being of a lower age bracket it might reverberate in the relationship. I don't think there is any real general rule for it, just what you can handle. I've heard of rules ranging from as long as you might of seen them in high school to if they can drink they're fair game.

Also, with a large enough difference there might be a bit of a culture gap that one has to contend with as well. Every year the world changes and new eyes see it in a slightly different way depending on experiences. Just something to keep in mind.

I know I myself am a bit timid with approaching anyone a lot lower than my age, and I'm 28.

[Gizmo]

All I can add here is - go for it!

Having said that, as a person who was in a 6 1/2 year relationship with a guy who was over 20 years younger than me - be prepared.
Be prepared for the public's scrutiny of your relationship - much like the bias' you are seeing on this thread. Too many people seem to think it their place to push their own 'rules about relationship's' on others. These bias' are REAL and put a huge strain on any relationship. I see many bias' that come from the gay community as well (internalized homophobia) - not only the age difference thing. Why do we as a furry community, become our own wost enemies. Why do we feel that it's so important to be so self destructive when it comes to our personal lives? Why does it matter to anyone that Rat wants to find someone to care for, to share his life with, to share in another person's life - No matter what their age?

The only time I would step into another relationship would be as a friend. If I see that there is an unhealthy destruction going on with either of you, as a friend, I would step in (at least dip my big toe in) and suggest that if you don't see it, to help you to see it (love can sometimes be blind in a bad way).

Another factor you might want to consider - any relationship survives easier with the help of your community. Your community can be anything from the people in your life to family - to your roommate. Without the support of these people in your life, any age different relationship can be a challenge (not impossible) but it's a hurdle that you need to be aware of. That was the biggest challenge for my relationship was his family's inability to see me for more than an older guy chasing their son. My family had some issues with it - however, they made a huge effort to bring him into the fold.

Be sure ALLLLL your interests match - they don't have to be the same interests, but if you don't have some common ground, that can be yet another challenge that you have to find a way to over come.

Rat, your an amazing guy (sometimes a bit too shy - that's my bias about you) but you deserve a great person in your life that will help you to grow as you would help them grow.

Hope that helps!

Giz ..

[Zen]

There's also the Campsite Rule to keep in mind, which is probably the only "rule" you would want to follow:

At the end of the relationship, the elder partner should leave the younger in "better shape than they found them"

I have nothing else to offer that hasn't been well stated already.

[Kitten]

Rat, you are a good person. Along with what everyone else has said, just remember to keep your head on your shoulders. You are a very smart guy and you are very nice!

Talk/spend time with the younger person. Get to know them. If anything happens, HOORAY! If not, be proud that you tried. I won't think less of you for dating someone that is younger. I don't think many of the local furries will think less of you.

A ten year difference isn't that bad....That's the difference between Phin and I. There will be many gaps due to the years. Like with phin and I, the gap will be the 80's. Which I really don't think will be that bad. Age differences larger than ten years will have similar gaps, just bigger.

Rat, I think the best limit to impose is not an age limit but, a maturity limit. If they are a really mature 18 yr old, date them. If they are a really immature 27 yr old, don't date them. Age is a number. Keep it legal(which you are doing already) but go with their maturity.

[Purplexity]

Rat, I think the best limit to impose is not an age limit but, a maturity limit. If they are a really mature 18 yr old, date them. If they are a really immature 27 yr old, don't date them. Age is a number. Keep it legal(which you are doing already) but go with their maturity.

I second this ^^

[zenia]

I second this ^^

Thirded! That is pretty much what I was thinking.

[Coal Silvermuzzle]

RainRat I agree with the other comments just this one, you are a great person. If you are interested in the person then you should at least let him know of your interest. As for the age difference I do not see a problem with that as you know. If the person is interested then age is just a number, if you limit things because of age difference you may not meet the one.

I know of several relationships where the age difference doesn't matter, and sometimes they are the right ones. So don't limit your chances of happiness solely on age, as long as they are adults.

Coal Silvermuzzle

[Silvermink]

I would just beware that the maturity level might no be where you want it to be. I learned that the hard way. :(

I, too, have learned this the hard way, but there are exceptions. Best of luck in any case.

[Tony Greyfox]

Interesting discussion and one that I have some interest in as well. With the fandom weighted so much towards the twentysomethings it does seem to beg the question regarding age differences. I'm glad to see a lot of "age is just a number" viewpoints so far.

(Mind you, mentally I try to never act my age, and physically I started counting backwards so in a few years I'll be right back in the sweet spot, age-wise...)