I want to be better at partying and socializing

[OryxFox]

Hey all. You know me or, more likely know /of/ me.  I'm asking this because I'm either a wall flower or trying too hard to be social at events. I unknowingly fuck up and don't notice it until I get shunned. 

And after some events in the past, I wish to know how I can redeem myself for my actions.

Just in need of advice.

[Renwaldo]

Hey, me too! That's why I'm taking up drinking!  :monocle:

[Van_Fox]

^ Bad Idea

Anyway, Im in the same boat. But I cant get out of it. Cause all the social things I wanna do, Im not doing by myself. And me friends wont go with me cause they're jerks =/

[Renwaldo]

Hey, it's not like I'm one to get completely pissed-faced every time I have some booze!  :roll: I only ever did that once, and I got sick enough that I'll never intentionally do it again. It was at my grandmother's Ukranian Christmas party, the poison was cranberry vodka cocktails. Apparently I stole granny's housecoat and was making foul sex jokes all evening, then I threw up and passed out in the middle of her hallway. :-[ Not even my alcoholic uncle was as bad as I was that night. Getting drunk is overrated.

Back on topic, I feel the same way right now.
All my friends are in universities across greater Vancouver and I'm the only one that stayed home. I'm not even working anymore, so I don't really have money to go out and party with. Nor do I have a license. :-X I have all this free time and nothing to do and no one to spend it with!
However if anybody wants to just meet somewhere and hang out, maybe share a cheap pot of tea or something, I'm always available!
Maybe go for a nice walk in a park, or just a nice walk anywhere. . . honestly I just want excuses to be out of the house nowadays. :P

I'll be in Vancouver all evening on the 19th if anybody's interested. I'm going to the xmas market with a small group for dinner and some light window shopping. I made a thread in the events forum if anybody else wants to join us. The date's not likely to change from the 19th, but the rest of the schedule's flexible. The market runs pretty much all day.  :)

[Neox]

^ Bad Idea

Not exactly a bad idea, actually.  I've been to parties where I knew absolutely nobody except the host (and even then, only a little) and while I'm normally a very social person sober, alcohol helped me loosen-up and get talking to people.  Especially effective if there is a drinking-game going on, because then everybody has something in-common at that moment and can enjoy some real hilarity together.  Not saying you have to get totally shit-faced to the point where you're hugging the toilet the rest of the night, but a couple drinks down and you're usually good to go.  Even if you drink water or coke at the drinking games, people can usually appreciate that you don't want to get wrecked. ;)

[Ember]

If you aren't an experienced drinker, don't play drinking games. You'll get wrecked.

[Dallas]

Nothing wrong with having a drink, but if you're doing it just to fit in and be one of the cool kids, it's not a good idea and that's coming from an Irishman!

Also best you don't get plastered and make a complete tit of yourself. Make idle small talk, even if it's just, "Hey, great party" and chip in with conversations you have an interest in with folks, take part in games; responsibly if they're drinking games and you're a lightweight when it comes to beer.

You don't need to be able to dance, drink your weight in alcohol, or be the star of the party to have a good time. Be yourself, mingle, have fun and I suppose I'll add refrain from behaviour that will annoy people.

[Zen]

A little alcohol can go a long way, you just have to learn where to draw the line.

Another trick is go to something and just tell yourself you're going to have fun.  I've been doing that for a long time, and it actually pays off quite well.  If I go to something where people are there and I won't know anyone ... I just convince myself I'll have fun.  Simple as that.

As for atoning?  That's either a case-by-case issue ... or you're reading entirely too much into something.  People are usually willing to forgive sounding like a weirdo on first meeting, it happens all the time.

[d e n i]

i'm not sure if people still read this thread, but here's my two cents..

first of all - if you're at a party where drinking, or even drugs seems to be the thing .. know your limit. i know it's been said over and over - but that's because it's important. if you're a lightweight, don't go for that extra drink or toke just because all your friends are doing it - everyone has their own limit. it's better to drink slowly and keep yourself at that 'slightly buzzed' stage then go way overboard and wake up the next morning not knowing what you did last night. it's really not that embarrassing to bring three coolers to a party (just an example, i picked a small amount) if that's your limit - chances are, people won't even notice / care how much you bring anyways.

on the social side of things .. well, this kinda goes hand in hand with not drinking too much. if you're able to keep yourself at a middle ground where the alcohol has helped you loosen up, but you can still think properly - then you're all good. as funny as it is sometimes, most of the people i know don't really enjoy making conversation with someone who's slurring every other word. pick and choose the conversations you jump into wisely - it's a little easier when you know the people, or if you actually enjoy what they're talking about .. stuff like that. if you don't know them, don't fret - just wait till there's a pause in the talking, introduce yourself and maybe ask if they don't mind including you in the conversation. the worst thing they can really say is that it's sort of a private conversation or something. it never hurts to try. : )

but anyways .. i don't know how much of this is valid. my advice is only based on my own personal experiences, and i'm quite a bit younger than many people here .. : P
good luck though

[Ember]

The above is  good advice.

[Selkit]

From firsthand experience, Oryx, I can say I've seen the following which strongly contribute to the awkward outward appearance. I apologize, but I'm not really going to pull any punches here, and it's not going to be pleasant to read.

- You have a terrible, terrible habit of simply battering your way into a conversation which initially did not involve you, frequently in the middle of someone else's sentence, frequently with an absolute non-sequitor. Often an inappropriate non-sequitor. Once wedged in, you'll then continue to pry and ignore the original flow of discussion, to the point where the others involved usually wander off, rebuke you for it, or pointedly ignore you until the normal flow of discussion resumes. This is singularly one of the most annoying things someone can do in a social situation.

- Personal space. We're furry, most of us like touch and contact, but we generally like to be open and accepting of it before we suddenly have someone uncomfortably close to us without warning. The same goes for awareness of 'traffic'; At Gizmo's meet, I had to wander around the other side of the kitchen when you imposed yourself solidly in the doorway and didn't take cues asking you to move.

- Sexual contact/remarks. Entirely inappropriate with a total stranger unless the venue suits it.

- Presumption on the host's hospitality. I was personally nearly furious at one of Gizmo's meets, when after a request was posted in the original event listing that all overnighters must RSVP, you did not do so, then later at night, simply called your mother, brusquely told her "I'm staying over, not coming home, goodbye" or something equally terse, then hung up. Without asking Gizmo. Without having RSVP'd. Same goes for showing up at events that you haven't RSVP'd to at all when they request specifically that you RSVP.

- Volume. Follow the flow of conversation that other people around you are carrying. This ties into point one; The only thing worse than a mid-sentence cut-off is a loud one from left field.

- The weird hand gestures and posture. This may seem incredibly petty compared to the other points, but I have to ask; Why is it necessary to go about with exaggerated gestural movements, staring at people as you pass by, among other peculiar and flamboyant movements? It's unnerving.

I'm sorry, it may sound harsh, but these are things I've observed firsthand that annoy me, and creep me right out. Look into consideration for others, try to understand that the room will not necessarily revolve around you, and please, try not to be a center of attention at all times. Likewise, I've heard and seen some disturbing things regarding sexual advances that most likely consider quite unwelcome. I would suggest that you simply try to chill, and -ask- others when you can possibly pose some sort of imposition on them, or if they mind contact.

[Gizmo]

Hey, me too! That's why I'm taking up drinking!  :monocle:

Renwaldo ... You rock ... I get you! LOL

[Gizmo]

Hey, it's not like I'm one to get completely pissed-faced every time I have some booze!  :roll: I only ever did that once, and I got sick enough that I'll never intentionally do it again. It was at my grandmother's Ukranian Christmas party, the poison was cranberry vodka cocktails. Apparently I stole granny's housecoat and was making foul sex jokes all evening, then I threw up and passed out in the middle of her hallway. :-[ Not even my alcoholic uncle was as bad as I was that night. Getting drunk is overrated.

Back on topic, I feel the same way right now.
All my friends are in universities across greater Vancouver and I'm the only one that stayed home. I'm not even working anymore, so I don't really have money to go out and party with. Nor do I have a license. :-X I have all this free time and nothing to do and no one to spend it with!
However if anybody wants to just meet somewhere and hang out, maybe share a cheap pot of tea or something, I'm always available!
Maybe go for a nice walk in a park, or just a nice walk anywhere. . . honestly I just want excuses to be out of the house nowadays. :P

I'll be in Vancouver all evening on the 19th if anybody's interested. I'm going to the xmas market with a small group for dinner and some light window shopping. I made a thread in the events forum if anybody else wants to join us. The date's not likely to change from the 19th, but the rest of the schedule's flexible. The market runs pretty much all day.  :)

I love tea!!!

[Carthage]

From firsthand experience, Oryx, I can say I've seen the following which strongly contribute to the awkward outward appearance. I apologize, but I'm not really going to pull any punches here, and it's not going to be pleasant to read.

- You have a terrible, terrible habit of simply battering your way into a conversation which initially did not involve you, frequently in the middle of someone else's sentence, frequently with an absolute non-sequitor. Often an inappropriate non-sequitor. Once wedged in, you'll then continue to pry and ignore the original flow of discussion, to the point where the others involved usually wander off, rebuke you for it, or pointedly ignore you until the normal flow of discussion resumes. This is singularly one of the most annoying things someone can do in a social situation.

- Personal space. We're furry, most of us like touch and contact, but we generally like to be open and accepting of it before we suddenly have someone uncomfortably close to us without warning. The same goes for awareness of 'traffic'; At Gizmo's meet, I had to wander around the other side of the kitchen when you imposed yourself solidly in the doorway and didn't take cues asking you to move.

- Sexual contact/remarks. Entirely inappropriate with a total stranger unless the venue suits it.

- Presumption on the host's hospitality. I was personally nearly furious at one of Gizmo's meets, when after a request was posted in the original event listing that all overnighters must RSVP, you did not do so, then later at night, simply called your mother, brusquely told her "I'm staying over, not coming home, goodbye" or something equally terse, then hung up. Without asking Gizmo. Without having RSVP'd. Same goes for showing up at events that you haven't RSVP'd to at all when they request specifically that you RSVP.

- Volume. Follow the flow of conversation that other people around you are carrying. This ties into point one; The only thing worse than a mid-sentence cut-off is a loud one from left field.

- The weird hand gestures and posture. This may seem incredibly petty compared to the other points, but I have to ask; Why is it necessary to go about with exaggerated gestural movements, staring at people as you pass by, among other peculiar and flamboyant movements? It's unnerving.

I'm sorry, it may sound harsh, but these are things I've observed firsthand that annoy me, and creep me right out. Look into consideration for others, try to understand that the room will not necessarily revolve around you, and please, try not to be a center of attention at all times. Likewise, I've heard and seen some disturbing things regarding sexual advances that most likely consider quite unwelcome. I would suggest that you simply try to chill, and -ask- others when you can possibly pose some sort of imposition on them, or if they mind contact.

This.

Also, you have managed to drive many of the members of this community to points between frustration and infuriation with the above behaviours. Several of these people have told you that you are not welcome in their homes, but you have presumed on many occasions to invite yourself to events held by them. Doing this only serves to make you look less considerate of others, and thus a less-desirable person to have around. If you want to attend an event at a home you have been banned from, at least ask the inhabitants before stating bluntly that you will be there.

[Brittany-shadowwolf]

Drinking losens you up a bit. It gives you the 'feeling' of being able to do anything. So liquid courage.
Though Drinking too much can be bad. :c Losing control is not good.

Drinking is tasty. ;A; Anyways

To be social, you kind of have to meet new people. Once you meet a new person/people, you can branch out from them. I know that meeting alot of people at the meets has helped boost my confidence and I have made alot of new friends out of it. c:

You shouldn't be someone who stays at home at sulks all the time, because you didn't get out there and never met new people. (like a certain fox I know.) Take the bull by the horns and get out there.
I'm glad I did, Ive made so many new friends.

I'm not sure if my advice counts for anything, But I hope you enjoyed reading it.
Not the best advice giver, But I try. c:

~~shadowwolf