Be Gentle please

[oranges81]

I've been writing for many years but a lot of people said my writing was pretty dark so I stopped sharing.  I found these little.. poems I guess you could call them, while going through some old files.  Well tell me what ya think! These pieces have nothing to do with each other. Just so ya know.

With this fire, I'll keep you warm
With this heart, I'll give you love.
With these teeth, I'll keep you fed.
With these claws, I'll protect you with my life.
With these eyes, I'll see you through.
With these ears, I'll listen to your problems
And with this mouth, I'll give the advice you seek.


Appearances can be deceiving.
Underneath this ugly pelt is the heart of one who cares for others.
Do not shun those you do not understand for you will lose many friends that way.

With the bell on his hat and mistletoe on his tail,
He'll bring happiness where ever he goes

Fear me.
Fear what you don't understand.
Fear what lurks in the shadows and feeds on the blood of others.
But most of all.
Fear for your soul when you realize you cannot fight the urge, the need for blood.
Fear because you wish to join me in the hunt under the stars. Listen to the screams of those who fear you and join in the cries.
For you are afraid

[oranges81]

ouch.. guess my writing is that bad.... :-\

[Luna]

*Smiles* I always hate critiqueing writing because, more-so than many other forms, it will mean something completely different to every other person who reads it, especially the artist.

Judging as 'little.. poems', I'd have to say the last is my favourite conceptually, though there is a little repetition (not in the intentional, eg. fear, but in the language).

The first is nice, but it doesn't seem to have any theme. Not to say that everything needs to rhyme, or follow a syllabic pattern, of course, but if it doesn't, then I think there's more that could be done with verbal imagery for it. For example, see you through being descriptive and feeling, vs. protect you with my life sounding cliche and rushed.

Thank you for sharing, and remember most importantly, not to change anything unless you think about, and -agree- with what people tell you about your writing. :)

[oranges81]

Thanks!
Well the first one I wrote as a description for a fire lupe on Neopets... *blush*

I really don't want to change anything. I write what I feel like. I actually don't think while I write. Usually I don't even know what I write until I go back and read it.

[Luna]

Is a nice description, for sure. <3

[Icey Dominus]

its cool me likes it  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :-3 :-3 :-3 :-3 :-3 :-3 we really need a heart emote!!