Dealing with caring too much

[Tiyu]

Good evening,

I am Tiyu, and I am absolutely frazzled when I write this. How do YOU do?.w.

I was rejected again by a... friend, well , person now for caring too much.
I was terrible, I realized, for I cared too much, he rejected me, because of that and I  gave bad vibes apparently.
I was going to have a spiel about trying to help him with the underlying stuff, but he thinks I;m after his butt, which can go to blazes if he wishes, cause I care not, for that would be caring too much.

In order to prevent such things from happening in friendships from the future, may I get some advice on how to
a) solve anger issues and people who have them
b)How not to care too much.w.

Of course, that ...person. If you are reading this (fat chance, I know.w.) , I ... need my book back. And if you want to be friends again, by all means,

do, I won't care much now or by then.


Tiyu.w.

[Samurai Kai]

Ah rejection; it sucks. I'm sorry this happened to you, Tiyu. Perhaps the person was confused with how you cared more than they were use to with others. Sometimes people are a little cynical that way.

I don't think you need to learn how to stop caring "too much" you only need to care... in moderation! Heh, what I mean by that is don't just jump all over the other person, don't pester them and don't allow yourself to obsess. Discipline yourself that way by giving the other person space, and let them approach you after all you've done what you could to communicate with said person, don't keep pushing yourself onto them. I know it can be hard but bad habits can be broken. Hm. Tricky subject though honestly, I am curious to see what others have to say.

[Nibi]

Right now I'm in a situation where somebody I know cares too much or is very emotional and it has scared me away. So I guess I'll be speaking from the other point of view? Maybe it'll give you some insight into what they could be thinking.

But for me I'm a person who loves space from people and alone time. Without it I get very moody and stressed. So having somebody always being there or on my case is nothing against them as much as it just will stress me out. So maybe it's just that, like me, they need more breathing room and time to relax?

Also I'm quite an independent person, have been for most my life actually. So I like to just go out and do things, experience life, all that jazz. But this person in my life won't stop trying to be in the know about what's going on with me or want in on it as well. Once again the breathing room comes in for me. I don't like feeling as if I need to always be walking on eggshells or have to please others. I like my privacy. Make sure that your well placed affection isn't accidentally suffocating them.

Hugs are nice and all until you can't breathe anymore. XD

[Tiyu]

Thank you Nibi and Kai.

Nibi- hahaha, it is exactly what I did to that person. I unkonwingly became overbearing. I should have taken up the little hints. I now want to apologize and not make amends per se, but not have them hate me to bits. Alas, they have blocked off (and rightfully so in their defence) all contact with me. SO I cannot apologize/. I  do not want that person back, and I want to give them space. But it'd be nice to not be hated so for caring too much and being clingy, which I do not feel like being. But thank you for the insight. I believe someone earlier this evening has given me insight into what my behaviour resembles: An obhuscating smother.w.

Kai: Do not be sorry, rejoice with me. I am free of insecurities, I am free of him at last. Thank you for the insight. He was right though, I was a smother, I did not listen, I just gave advice. Reckless behaviour is what he wanna do, he go do it. I don't want to be clingy or smothering anymore. I just want forgiveness so I can change and move on.  He was a nice person, the perfect package, brains n brawn, hah, you could say he was a god. Witty! Tough! A man's man! Now someone I don't know. May he live a good life. I'm gonna live my own, as I have before I met him and when I met him.

[Samurai Kai]

Thank you Nibi and Kai.

Nibi- hahaha, it is exactly what I did to that person. I unkonwingly became overbearing. I should have taken up the little hints. I now want to apologize and not make amends per se, but not have them hate me to bits. Alas, they have blocked off (and rightfully so in their defence) all contact with me. SO I cannot apologize/. I  do not want that person back, and I want to give them space. But it'd be nice to not be hated so for caring too much and being clingy, which I do not feel like being. But thank you for the insight. I believe someone earlier this evening has given me insight into what my behaviour resembles: An obhuscating smother.w.

Kai: Do not be sorry, rejoice with me. I am free of insecurities, I am free of him at last. Thank you for the insight. He was right though, I was a smother, I did not listen, I just gave advice. Reckless behaviour is what he wanna do, he go do it. I don't want to be clingy or smothering anymore. I just want forgiveness so I can change and move on.  He was a nice person, the perfect package, brains n brawn, hah, you could say he was a god. Witty! Tough! A man's man! Now someone I don't know. May he live a good life. I'm gonna live my own, as I have before I met him and when I met him.

A good way to look at it, a moving on kind of person. Nice to see you don't dwell, it's okay to a little though. Just don't let it ruin the present moment. I'm the same like Nibi, a little reclusive myself and I need my alone time, I'm also independent myself I just hate the loneliness that makes me feel like I need someone sometimes, here and there I "crave" a companion like that but eh. I know I don't need it (some say that's unhealthy) but it is a nice, bright little imaginative thought. I do know, though, what it feels like to be swarmed by someone, I know what it feels like to have someone obsess over me, but that's only ever happened once. I think you have a good head on your shoulders about this situation, Tiyu. Still pretty positive the right person will come along some day for you, just no rush-rush! ^_^ *pat pat*

[Nibi]

Thank you Nibi and Kai.

Nibi- hahaha, it is exactly what I did to that person. I unkonwingly became overbearing. I should have taken up the little hints. I now want to apologize and not make amends per se, but not have them hate me to bits. Alas, they have blocked off (and rightfully so in their defence) all contact with me. SO I cannot apologize/. I  do not want that person back, and I want to give them space. But it'd be nice to not be hated so for caring too much and being clingy, which I do not feel like being. But thank you for the insight. I believe someone earlier this evening has given me insight into what my behaviour resembles: An obhuscating smother.w.

Kai: Do not be sorry, rejoice with me. I am free of insecurities, I am free of him at last. Thank you for the insight. He was right though, I was a smother, I did not listen, I just gave advice. Reckless behaviour is what he wanna do, he go do it. I don't want to be clingy or smothering anymore. I just want forgiveness so I can change and move on.  He was a nice person, the perfect package, brains n brawn, hah, you could say he was a god. Witty! Tough! A man's man! Now someone I don't know. May he live a good life. I'm gonna live my own, as I have before I met him and when I met him.

Sorry to hear, hopefully one day you'll be given the chance to apologize if you still feel like you need to if that time comes. <3 If not, you'll be a better person and have grown to be wiser from what has happened.

And I don't know what's going through their heads, but I doubt they hate you for it. They probably just felt confused and didn't know how to respond better. But as long as you don't let them bring you down, good on you. Keep fighting the good fight. :3

[Tiyu]

Merci, Nibi.

I now feel it is mostly my fault, and I want to apologise to him, and move on. I don't want him to see me as some stalker/creeper/clingy dependant. I've my own life to live. I think he misunderstood- I had wanted to discuss our friendship for a while,over the last couple of days, while being tongue tied and interuppted by other life commitments which might have been why I might have been viewed as some crazy stalker, which I am not. Yes, I might have been too overcaring, but there was a feeling he didn't want to talk through this at all, nor his problems, which I should have respected. Nonetheless, if he is reading this, I apologize, and I want to make it clear I'm wasn't and am not some clingy creeper. Just trying to be a  friend, but not knowing how. Good luck with his life.

[Tiyu]

Let us all fight the good fights.w. Thank you, Nibi.w. May your friend seek enlightenment before it is too late, like in my case as well.w.

[Owl]

Dealing with rejection is something that I still struggle with. It's something that I don't know if I'll fully overcome.

I do sympathize with your position. If you'd be interested we could chat more about it on Skype if you have it.

[ppakky]

People can take care of themselves. They know what they want, and they can probably get it better themselves then what can be provided from someone else.

If someone wants to meet and hang out with you, they want to be with you. If you're always bending your life to someone else's, your just adding weight to their own.

In our society, someone could live a secluded life and still be entertained and educated. They go out and socialize to SEE OTHER PEOPLE. If every opinion and decision is pressed onto one person, they don't need you. They may as well do it themselves.

People are also, always in a rush. They need to feel they've accomplished something. They have an underlining concept of what they want from a social interaction, and if they don't get it, they go away. Doesn't mean you did anything wrong, it just wasn't what they were looking for, perhaps they shouldn't have been looking for anything, and instead just enjoy the moment.

Most people have a predetermined goal in their life. Something they need to get before they die. It's very hard to see, but don't get disheartened when they pick that above you. They've probably motivated their life to accomplish that goal, and it may be hard for them to let it go.

Take care of yourself. If you're happy with yourself, people will see it, and may be drawn to the positivity.

[Nibi]

People can take care of themselves. They know what they want, and they can probably get it better themselves then what can be provided from someone else.

If someone wants to meet and hang out with you, they want to be with you. If you're always bending your life to someone else's, your just adding weight to their own.

In our society, someone could live a secluded life and still be entertained and educated. They go out and socialize to SEE OTHER PEOPLE. If every opinion and decision is pressed onto one person, they don't need you. They may as well do it themselves.

People are also, always in a rush. They need to feel they've accomplished something. They have an underlining concept of what they want from a social interaction, and if they don't get it, they go away. Doesn't mean you did anything wrong, it just wasn't what they were looking for, perhaps they shouldn't have been looking for anything, and instead just enjoy the moment.

Most people have a predetermined goal in their life. Something they need to get before they die. It's very hard to see, but don't get disheartened when they pick that above you. They've probably motivated their life to accomplish that goal, and it may be hard for them to let it go.

Take care of yourself. If you're happy with yourself, people will see it, and may be drawn to the positivity.

*nods a lot* This. ^ Be yourself and people who matter will come to you. :3

[Tiyu]

Thank you ppaky and nibi- this much I understand, and I know. Not that it is of concern anymore, but that friend had certain risk-taking qualities. But you are right, it was and is their body. It is theirs to do as they wish.