I just need to like rant kinda, and talk about this with someone, so i figured this was a safe place with nice people.
So only a few weeks ago my mom passed away from cancer.
Ever since ive had a big ball of emotions with a layer of a feeling of lost and confusion.
The main thing that gets me is the day she passed away, i went to vancouver, and when i was leaving i told her i love her.
like i did everyday, since i started going to school.
She tried so hard to say it back to me, but all the could muster was a few squeeks,
thats my last memory of my mom, and it kills me.
i put on a good front, but inside im like dying,
and the stress of everything, school, work, life.
The stress ive been under has me started smoking,
witch i think is really gross, but it takes the edge off
i dunno what to do, really, i feel like breaking down, but i cant.
i wish i had someone who could like hold me close as i break down
someone that i feel safe letting my guard compleatly down.
But i guess life dosent work like that.
anyway, i just needes this off my chest, so i figured this was a good place, full of people i dont really know.
i dunno why but i just needed to like do this, anywho
<3
*hugs* (if that's okay) hang in there it's rough but it's gets easier to take never goes away though.
*hugs* thank you ^^
Yeah, i guess what dosent kill you makes you stronger in the end
But right no its almost too much, i want to like move and be surrounded ith friends more like me, cause right now i have no furry friends i know in real life.
and i thik that would help me, abit more, i unno..
*hug* dont dwell on the last thought of your mother, remember all the happy times you had. She may not be with you physically, but spiritually she is. not even death can take away a mothers love. I know losing a loved one is very hard to deal with, but marzipan is right, it will get better in time.
Dont resort to harming yourself with smoking, death is just another part of life.
I am very very sorry to hear about your loss though.
: Hadlock May 28, 2009, 11:28:21 -06:00
*hug* dont dwell on the last thought of your mother, remember all the happy times you had. She may not be with you physically, but spiritually she is. not even death can take away a mothers love. I know losing a loved one is very hard to deal with, but marzipan is right, it will get better in time.
Dont resort to harming yourself with smoking, death is just another part of life.
I am very very sorry to hear about your loss though.
*hug* yeah, i try not to, but i guess at the same time its like the last thing i remember its almost engraved in my mind,
but you know that last part is soo very true and i never thought of it that way before.
i dont really like doing it, infact i hate it, but it calms me down for a little bit.
i really dont want to do it though.
i dont do it much though only when i start feeling really stressed.
thanks ^^
I'm sorry for your loss. *hugs*
I know right know you feel trapped and like the only direction you can go is down, but just know that time will pass and you will start getting better and feeling happy again. :)
: Tyins May 29, 2009, 04:53:39 -06:00
I'm sorry for your loss. *hugs*
I know right know you feel trapped and like the only direction you can go is down, but just know that time will pass and you will start getting better and feeling happy again. :)
*hugs* thank you
yeah thats true, but i guess somewhere you hit a point tht you cnt go any lower, so you can only go up from there.
I'm sorry to hear about, well, everything.. :/ I'm actually hoping to make new friends myself, finally spend more time out of my little techie cave and force myself to socialize. People who know me well enough know that I always try my best to lend an ear when I can, so I offer the same for you. n.n I haven't actually met anyone local here yet but that sounds like it will change this weekend, but even if it's just on an MU*, Second Life, or even IM (pick any of mine on the left, there! :P), I'll be glad to listen if you need someone to talk to, even if I don't have any answers.
And this goes for everyone reading this, too, not just OP. :)
I have to say that your very lucky to have said those words as your last words to her. It's very rare that others get a change to do that. Even though she wasn't able to respond with those same words, you knew she felt that way towards you. I wish you the best of luck trying to deal with this event. I can tell you one thing that if you want some physical comfort, there's no better place than the company of other furs ^^. Need some help, come see me and everyone else at the next furmeet.