Apologize for the seemingly dramatic title, it just wouldn't fit
I couldn't stuff it all in there
there was no room to put it in
the subject was too small to take i..... FINE! SEX JOKE. WE GET IT.
K now seriously:
I need help from people that have gotten over social difficulties (possibly related to attention disorder though it might be irrelevant in this case). I am currently making a huge effort and my life has completely changed in the past couple months. I have surpassed myself in ways I didn't think it was possible, and basically gone from a pathetic loser on the internet to a winning pirate that lives honestly... for the most part... I'm still an asshole though ;) :highfive: :D. Now the issue here is that, In all I can handle the basic social recovery like being less awkward around people, more talkative, etc etc, but there is one thing that has been putting my life in a worse state than it was. A while ago I ranted about my cousin coming over to stay at my place for a while, and ever since she got here my life has deteriorated a lot. I don't understand what's happening she's not doing anything wrong, yet I for the simple fact that she's here it makes me feel like I'm completely obsolete. My logical conclusion so far is as follows:
I am currently recovering from a miserable humiliating life that has lasted 10 years, that shit isn't gonna fix overnight.
She has a lazy and selfless attitude. I know this because was born before her, and I was part of her entire childhood. Though she's not being a completely useless leech at our place I can still see some things being neglected or my obligations being done before I have a chance to get to them. (Like I said, I'm still slow but doing my best to get better with it :/).
My conclusion on all of this is that I'm feeling extremely inferior and useless compared to her because I'm trying to fix a point in my life that she completely excels at. Even though I know I have a lot of points in which I'm better than her she has the power to socialize and make allies while I feel still feel awkward and disliked by everyone(A reason why I still avoid events: I really feel out of place and awkward :-\).
I know that I should focus on the "superior" positive things I have over her, but isn't it the human nature to be overwhelmed by numbers? No matter how strong you might think you are if someone has someone else supporting them the negative feeling of solitude consumes all the positive you may have making you feel like you're the "evil" one because no one likes you. The problem goes deeper than that because it's not like I'm completely alone. I have friends that I really care for, and they really care for me as well they're just not able to support me personally because they don't live close or they're going through hardships/being busy all the time etc. Despite all of this internal conflict I'm still moving forward and not giving up but whenever I see any hint of my cousin's social interactions I get more and more pushed back in that dark hole I was before. I'm fucking terrified of that place because I see no one to help me get out of there. I got out of it the first time because I strengthen myself using fictional company as my support but that wont work again "Lightning doesn't struck the same place twice" "The same miracle cannot be reproduced a second time". I don't know what to do here. if I go back to that place I'll most likely break into insanity; if I try to make new friends by the time I get to trust them it'll probably be too late, and I'm near impossible to get along when my head is so unstable as it is right now; I can't just force myself into my other friends lives, they have they're own shit to deal with, and I must respect this. So what the hell do I do here do I just chug on pills and turn into a lifeless machine? Do I wait for things to get better before I break down?
Ugh I'm still not sure if I post this or not but I really tried everything and even if I come out as an annoying attention whore I can't just sit here and see myself "die" without trying something I'm sorry BCfurries :'(.
Spelling mistakes probably all over the place, and I just passed English 11 :-X
I went through a gap in my life where I was constantly depressed, tired, miserable and jealous towards many people. Even though I had many things that I had earned in my life, such as a job at the age of 13, items of interest that I wanted to buy, I just didn't feel happy. Everything I had mainly focused towards an introverted type of lifestyle. The computer, the videogames, the dj gear, the sewing. It was until I began to get outside more and be with my friends that I finally felt happier.
I did, however, take the time to go on anti depressents and see a psychologist. It has greatly helped me. Friends that I can relate to has helped me a lot. Going outside and challanging myself in the world made my life much more interesting. And some people are able to adjust their lives much more efficiently than others are able to. WHoomans are always trying to achieve our highest potential right.
I'm suffering through a moment of loneliness, skipping out on events in the near future for my own good. Schedule for a day for me right now is Sleep -> TF2 -> Eat -> TF2 -> Sleep.
Distractions are the key during these times. If that isn't enough, sometimes sleeping helps pass time too.
I admit, I still am bitter about PDAs (Public Displays of Affection) each time I see one, but if I have a distraction like something on my iPad, I can ignore it most of the time. (This happens a lot on public transit for me)
I'm FIXED! If anyone else is going through a social difficulties I'll post what I figured out and the solution for it maybe it can help:
Don't give up: even if its all grim and seemingly helpless believe and be modest, even if a little bit, because a chance will definitely appear. All we have to do is be observant and not let our chance go to waste or give up on it so easily. Basically, it is our own decision that makes the difference. As long as it's stuck in our heads that things aren't good enough, then we're practically making the decision that we don't want anything to be good enough, causing us to be forever stuck in a way where things are never up to our expectations.
That is pretty much how I figured it out in the first place and started changing. My problem came after when I was making a difference for myself but it was still all shit. It's human to make mistakes and get desperate when things are sucking, that's why we need friends. My first post was because I reached my mental limit and I had no more outlets for my issues. How I fixed it was thanks to a friend that agreed to spend a couple days with me right after I posted this.
Got my chance and I took it ^ :birdy:
Anyways Thanks for those who took your time to post and/or read. I apologize for bringing up "drama" to the boards but now I'm proud to announce that I can actually help with this issue if anyone needs some assistance feel free to pm me :thumbs:
Its true; great friends always make life worth wild. I remember when I was going through a bad time (a break up), I ended up spending time with my friends for almost 2 weeks XD It was the best; especially pulling all nighters and doing longboarding during the night.
Well, for one, congratulations on salvaging your life. I used to be the same kind of loser you described: I spent my lunch-breaks in middle school in the computer lab and I never made an attempt to socialize. I didn't know how to talk to people. Then high-school came around and I forced myself to make myself better. It's really really tough, and to hear that you've snuffed it and rose above is excellent to hear. It proves that it CAN be done.
As for your more recent resolution, I couldn't agree more. Getting stuck in your own head is probably the worst thing that can happen. Being an artist, it's easy for me to channel that negativity onto paper or into music, but even sometimes I don't even feel like doing that. Going out and spending time doing something with someone you like can be the best alternative fix for it.
I been in the exact situation as you before, I was a loner in school and freak and outcast... freak`n
I had a fictional character keep me company and help me get by stuff when I needed to, although I considered the fictional character to be my guardian angel.
My life would revolve around some fantasy world, as I would completely strip myself out of reality and its bullshit.
Admittingly I was afraid of people and still sorta am today.
Anyways I was alone for years and started getting really fucking depressed, miserable, and I felt so ashamed and pathetic and started beating myself up to the point I was attempting suicide. It even came to the point I kept skipping school days cause I was too miserable and just did not see the point to wake up and go to some fucked up institution to be the schools parading freak show again, so... I dropped out.
I had to see therapy, psychologist, doctors.
How I ended up getting out of it was drug abuse it first started with pot and I vowed to just do pot and nothing else, since pot was more accepting ((That didn`t turn out so well)) I got more depressed and started having these bad anxiety attacks and soon I was back to suicide attempts again.
Eventually I was put on pharmaceutical drugs and from there I met many friends and was popular and that lead to more drugs.
Honestly, im going to tell you right now that having lot of friends is not even worth it like seriously.
But I still can understand that fear in just talking to some random stranger you see on a bus or something (I still sometimes get that).
Now anyways also to clear something I am not saying you should do drugs to meet people and i'm not saying you shouldn't do drugs, that is your personal business and choice.
What I am going to tell you is what I personally learned to approach people and socialize and it can help you do the same just by talking to someone off the streets... and that is... Not giving a fuck... like seriously, that is it.
If you see someone that is reading a book of your interest you don't just think in your head "Hey, thats a nice book that person is into the same thing as me" you have to force yourself to just say out loud to the person "COOL FUCKING BOOK MAN!" lol but like not entirly like that say what generally comes to your mind but the main thing to know is just not giving a fuck how they will react.
IT IS SO FUNNY like seriously it is funny and fun just to talk to random people and see there reaction sometimes they will be just as awkward as you but you know the secret to breaking that awkwardness and maybe the person will look up to you.
Who cares what people are going to think of you; everyone is different and weird in there own ways.
I see crackheads on the streets of surrey so whacked out and they are still social and friendly (sometimes) because they just don't give a fuck.
I even see people wearing the most ridiculous things or doing the most ridiculous things, like lady gaga for example.. with her alter ego which I thought was kinda funny, interesting, neat and creative.
I tried not giving a fuck and I was able to run around my town with a fox tail and fox hat and a tye dye shirt was all hippy/furry out, I went to house parties uninvited with a fox tail and got so many compliments and looks. Some people were too afraid to say whats with the tail and those who did I was like "just embracing the fact that, I am not the same like you" other people would see me and say "hey your that dude that wore that raccoon tail" and ya i got haters but i just did not care because there is so much people in this world right now with so many interesting things about them and most are just cowards to embrace it because you got assholes that like to stomp you but you just stomp them back or ignore it.
Life is short so live your life... i really recommend you to just try and put yourself out there... if its one thing my therapist taught me was "Feel the fear and do it anyways". But yeayea, thats the best I can give you, the rest is entirely up to you because really you created this world of yours that you just got to slowly take yourself out of. Not that you never have to see this world ever again, like I still see mine.
Also try restricting computer use and talking to friend on the internet everyday, you can still go on internet and talk to them but its best to go on a day or 2 without it and trust me you feel so much more freedom.
I right now choose to not be near anyone, so basically I have no friends here in town.. well I sorta do but, I would rather not hangout with them since they just want drugs, but now and then i do see them and smoke a joint and game out on halo or just go for a walk by myself into town and just talk to random people I see... last random conversation I had, was with a 60 year old guy having difficulties getting a job cause of his age and we just talked about how fucked up the economy was which was the highlight of my day.
Oh yea sorry for the long read but its always good to read lol
But yea try listening to some good rock bands like Marilyn Manson or Default to channel your aggression and beat up a pillow because Rock actually helps kinda get into the whole socializing part cause it help teach you not to give a fuck basically lol