It's been 24 hours since I got back from Rev's and in review, deep down I felt more introverted while playing than any previous event I've been through. I felt I just needed to bowl for the exercise. This is the opposite of where I'd want to be since my Raccoon self is supposed to be extroverted and caring of others' feelings.
It may be because I've been roleplaying a lot via comments on Macro/Micro related pieces of art as my Micro Fox self, who's at the moment VERY introverted. All he cares about is pleasing himself...
The underlying screw-up factor is also really getting to my head. I may not fear it when I'm "in the moment", but if I have too much time alone, this manifests itself. This especially starts becoming an issue for me once that screw-up happens and the time alone after that starts.
Time to think can be both hindrance and help... This may be another consequence of not having many people I can talk to about issues.
Okay, just a couple of thoughts off the top of my head, no punches pulled.
- You are not your roleplay character. If you cannot separate yourself from your macro/micro/fursona "you", then you need to spend some time getting your head together.
- You show up at bowling, use Cheetah's camera, film, talk, etc. You are not an introvert. What you need to learn is what "boundaries" and how to not step on them.
- You need to get the hell out of your parents place. They have done some wonderful mental damage to you.
- You may actually want to look at general counselors. I'm pretty sure BCIT offers some counseling and support resources. They are actually very helpful people, and you don't need to be "crazy" to have to see one.
- You focus way too much on how much you "screw up". Stop it. It's mostly in your head.
Take what you want from it, and with a grain of salt. It's always easier to critique others than yourself.
I can separate. I just sometimes believe to myself that I'm like one more than the other. (depends on mood)
The only boundaries I've learned is "Circles". I never say "You look like _____" in public to strangers, but it's real tempting so I keep it inside and say it with my mind's voice. I do say it to friends though. It's on a VHS tape I had to watch when I was young, and it stuck to me. The closest I could find on the web of what I saw in the video is here: http://special-needs.families.com/blog/teaching-children-relationship-boundaries (http://special-needs.families.com/blog/teaching-children-relationship-boundaries)
On $900 a month, I cannot survive with Tuition, Rent, Hydro, Food and etc.
I sometimes can't help but to think negatively. EG: I went for a high-five with [redacted] and no response automatically conjured up screwing up thoughts.
These are the types of conversations that you should have in private with your friends, not in public on a forum.
: FurryJackman June 12, 2011, 03:23:36 -06:00
On $900 a month, I cannot survive with Tuition, Rent, Hydro, Food and etc.
Can I just say that I survive on around $600 a month without even trying (food, rent, bills)? You can do anything if you put your mind to it.. And if you're getting 900 a month but living with your parents, where is it all going? You must have some saved money to help you move out? I also, like Zen, think the best thing for you might be to put some boundaries between you and your family.
As for tuition there's gotta be some heavy subsidies you can get from the government. And there's always student loans or aided loans where you only pay back a certain amount. Why did you even start school if you knew you weren't ready to pay tuition? A year or two of work goes a long way money-wise.
Anyways. I'm going to have to agree with Ember on this as well.. Not exactly appropriate for the forums but if this is the only way you feel your situation can be remedied then post away!
Sweet roses seem so far away now.
I really should apologize. This thread was a consequence of having no close friends to talk to that are available all the time.
If need be, the rest can continue via PMs for those that care.
Nothing to apologize for; this is the Help and Advice forum. If you're comfortable talking about it here, that's fine.
OK, well another dilemma is Jealousy. Remember the "life and death" thread a few months back? Well that jealousy's slightly coming back...
What makes it worse is that my graduation from BCIT promised camera (The XH-G1s) is now discontinued... And to those that say technology will only get better, read up on Rolling Shutters please: http://www.dvxuser.com/jason/CMOS-CCD/ (http://www.dvxuser.com/jason/CMOS-CCD/)
This also brings up impatience. Who knows if after this model's been discontinued where I might even find a new-in-box seller of the camera? I've already convinced an earlier date (pending their tax filings) to my parents of Spring Break 2012, but it just can't come soon enough.
The good news is I'm supposed to get the recording box (the nanoFlash) that's supposed to accompany my camera before I get my camera, (supposed to get the nanoFlash in September) but those plans can easily be derailed, just like my HV30's repair was pushed back 3-4 times. (And now, a repair is over it's current market value, so it isn't worth it)
Another risk is lasers. I would risk my palm-sized cameras to laser exposure at Rev's but jealousy's telling me "Your G1s needs to compete with him. Do it!" and if I was vulnerable to manipulation, I would follow through on jealousy.
I haven't wanted to post this because it strikes me that you're fragile and take criticism poorly.
I've been holding off on this for a while, hoping that it'd go away on it's own... but oh well.
First, you over dramatize stupid little problems pretending that you have world shattering issues going on in your life when really anyone reading such posts routinely goes through worse issues than you do. This is why people haven't been giving you much sympathy.
You're either deficient in viewing other people's problems or you have an over inflated sense of what a problem really is. In essence, you're either an attention whore or you suffer from some symptoms of obsessive behaviour, which causes you to obsess over there 'problems' until it looks like they are a big deal.
They are not a big deal. You having a minor disagreement with an artist is not a big deal. You not being able to get the exact camera you wanted is not a big deal.
Almost every thread that you start is some very minor issue with a very dramatic title. Your parents not letting you go out for the night became "Camera jealousy... almost became life and death" ( http://www.bcfurries.com/forum/index.php?topic=3323.0 (http://www.bcfurries.com/forum/index.php?topic=3323.0) )
A small issue with a project at school became "I know nobody... Dramatic Fail..." ( http://www.bcfurries.com/forum/index.php?topic=3414.msg47451#msg47451 (http://www.bcfurries.com/forum/index.php?topic=3414.msg47451#msg47451) )
So if your issue is that you are an introvert, maybe you should stop giving everyone the impression that you're socially incapable. Not airing every minor issue you have on the forum would be a good start.
Yours in Christ,
-Ember
Yes, but, I have nobody to talk to about these issues... What you just said is also exactly why I apologized and wanted to continue via PMs a few posts back.
But I will not lie, the Camera issue with me going out with an ENG sized camera was a huge deal with my parents to the point my Mom broke down in tears and my Dad shouted obscenities every 2nd word.
The worst part for me is the moment that my sense of something wrong becomes confirmed. It did happen recently, so I may not be my real outgoing myself at the moment.
I can't really understand what you are saying in your last post.
You have arguments with your parents? Just like every teenager ever? :monocle:
: Ember June 12, 2011, 08:53:35 -06:00
You have arguments with your parents? Just like every teenager ever? :monocle:
No longer a teen. I'm 20. Though When I was a teen, I never took high risks like late-night parties until I found Monthly Bowling this February. No Proms, No Dances, No nothin... Like a nerd.
DOnt worry! you'll have the chance to come to a furry dance soon!! http://www.bcfurries.com/forum/index.php?topic=3774.msg52769#msg52769 (http://www.bcfurries.com/forum/index.php?topic=3774.msg52769#msg52769)
Thanks for the offer, but I still need to get comfortable on smaller events. It's become a sine wave of confidence recently so I honestly don't know about going to more things. (Though the upcoming dinnermeet is closeby, so I'll attend that hoping for the best)
I just realized I may be a milder form of Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory... What can that mean?
: FurryJackman June 13, 2011, 03:16:13 -06:00
I just realized I may be a milder form of Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory.
In exactly what way? ō_Ô
Not gonna say in public. All I'll say is I'm starting to see similarities to some of the stuff I do, except his case is much stronger for the same things.
One of the things I've noticed from your posts is you tend to quantize or add a numeric quantity to things that are mostly intangible, like emotions and friendship.
I get the feeling from your posts that you feel that you are deficient in some way and you are trying to improve yourself, which is fine and even admirable.
But don't go about it by analyzing your behavior and try and externalize your jealousy emotion to reduce it by 10% or worry about your sine wave of confidence, because it won't work and you'll drive yourself nuts trying to figure out why the other dude with a $50 camera is having way more fun even though his camera is clearly a couple levels below yours.
Keep it simple and ask yourself what you want to improve in much broader terms. Then go and develop that skill by throwing yourself into the fire.
Do you want to be more confident? Then go do something that requires an extreme amount of confidence like going to a certain mentioned dance. Don't take baby steps because you'll analyze each one. Just go and don't worry about the consequences.
: Unition June 13, 2011, 11:57:18 -06:00
One of the things I've noticed from your posts is you tend to quantize or add a numeric quantity to things that are mostly intangible, like emotions and friendship.
I get the feeling from your posts that you feel that you are deficient in some way and you are trying to improve yourself, which is fine and even admirable.
But don't go about it by analyzing your behavior and try and externalize your jealousy emotion to reduce it by 10% or worry about your sine wave of confidence, because it won't work and you'll drive yourself nuts trying to figure out why the other dude with a $50 camera is having way more fun even though his camera is clearly a couple levels below yours.
Keep it simple and ask yourself what you want to improve in much broader terms. Then go and develop that skill by throwing yourself into the fire.
Do you want to be more confident? Then go do something that requires an extreme amount of confidence like going to a certain mentioned dance. Don't take baby steps because you'll analyze each one. Just go and don't worry about the consequences.
unition put it better than what I could ever write. I always give advice to my friends & furs to 'run before you learn to walk.
Bumping this thread because I wanted to do another tiny post-mortem. Apologies in advance if this is once again me spilling personal stuff on a public forum, but that's one of the only ways I currently know of communicating my problems when it's hard for me to reach close friends.
Being as vague as possible, in the moment, I did live my life to the fullest and enjoyed every second of the experience I had.
However, now I'm filled with regret over my mistakes that I committed before and that has now landed me in a situation which would most likely end in a conflict.
Worst part is, an apology just won't do for this situation. I've tried it once and received no forgiveness, so I shouldn't bother with it this time.
Some things will become cursed if there's no way to rectify the situation. At the moment, there really isn't a solution and the glass is half-empty. (Even though the weather is supposed to clear up later today, it will remain a storm in my mind)
We all make mistakes in our lives, the best thing is to learn from those mistakes...and build yourself a new foundation to base yourself on. So if an situational earthquake streams in, your foundation won't fail you.
I don't usually respond with advice in a public forum, to personal problems. I like to do that in private and face to face in most cases. But in this case I will make an exception, Mattfolx is right in what he posted. We all make mistakes, that is part of life and growing, take it from one who has made more then his fare share. I am now halfway thru my life and still make mistakes, the one thing that I have learnt is to learn from them and try not to make the same ones again (you will make the same one again sometimes).
But regret, one should never regret making mistakes (it will eat you from the inside), you can be sorry for, apologize for, kick yourself in the ass for, then you need to get over it, never regret. Every mistake you make has some good in it, either you learn, gain wisdom or have something you can treasure (PM me if you want an explanation). Life is to dear to dwell on ones mistakes, dwelling on ones mistakes hinders ones life and stops you from experiencing it to it's fullest.