So this is all going to sound really petty. Anyone who feels like telling me to grow up, please just skip this topic, because I'm actually really unhappy because of this.
My girlfriend of a year broke up with me really suddenly, and in an extremely cruel way. While I was in the middle of telling her how I felt worthless, ignored and frightened that no one loved me, she dumped me, saying she "didn't know" why she was even with me. I understand not wanting to be in a relationship - but she gave no indication that she felt anything but love for me. In addition, we were in a public space, and I had missed a week's worth of my mood medication, which put me in an extremely volatile state.
She's been posting quite a lot on my closest friend's Facebook, which makes both my friend and me quite uncomfortable. As a result I asked very nicely that she stop, to which she essentially responded "suck it up, it's Facebook and I do what I want. Block me or get over it."
In addition, she asked if I would show up to a youth group I regularily attend (the one she broke up with me at, actually - yes, actually breaking up with me in a public space while I was already in an extremely volatile mood), and when I said yes and asked why, she responded "no reason, forget about it." Okay, except that she showed up, bringing with her a person who not only caused me an extreme amount of emotional (and once even physical) suffering. This wouldn't be an issue if the activity, skating, was one she actually enjoyed. However, before that night she refused outright to skate, saying she was terrified and nothing would get her onto ice.
So, not only am I extremely upset by her actions - a lot of which includes passive-aggressive status updates about me, Craigslist posts mentioning me (although not my name) in a derogatory manner, and acting out whenever I'm within earshot - but my friends are as well. All of us are becoming increasingly irate and disgusted by her. In addition, this sudden reappearance of this person from my past has caused additional stress.
Yes, it would be easy to remove myself from my youth group, but that's the only place I see some of my friends, as well as my primary place of employment. I can't just stop going and keep my job.
So, what do I do? Every time I request she stop something - of course, in a very polite and non-confrontational way - she becomes very stubborn.
Isolation may be the best policy here. Not for you to be forced into avoidance, but her into enforced non-communication; Do not respond. Do not offer feedback. Simply do not talk to her. Allow her own actions to speak for themselves; they will drown out any word she has. Positive influences are easily outweighed by the negativity a person can project. Others will soon notice her obsession and focus, they will note the disruption it offers, the unpleasant behavior she inflicts upon them as friends of hers. And it will not benefit her to do so; Ultimately these behaviors are self destructive, and there is very little you can do to actually stop the behavior. You can, however, mitigate its effects upon you. What does it matter to you, should she choose to poison her own garden with petty hate? While I am not given to theological expressions, distasteful as they frequently are, in this case, the Talmud holds a useful thought; Live well, for it is the greatest revenge.
It will not be pleasant for you, but there is nothing that can be done otherwise, to ensure a cessation of her behavior, save for legal action in a civil court. Frequently a losing proposition, either by becoming a Pyrrhic victory or an untenable case. Unless you are willing to do so, a policy of containment will serve you better as there are no criminal laws violated here. I wish you the best of luck.
If you have an avenue through which a civil lawsuit is available to you, I would suggest it. Sue her for slander and libel. Keep screenshots of the nasty things she posts about you on the internet, but make sure you can prove that they're about you. Keep witnesses. Then threaten her with legal action. She'll either stop, or she'll 'call your bluff' and you'd be amazed how fast people shut up when you actually serve them with legal court documents and whatnot.
You might also have a case of harassment against her, especially if you feel she is threatening you, which i would say she is by bringing a person whom she knows has done you harm in the past to your youth group, after making sure you would be there. Actually, I'd probably talk to a police officer about all of this anyway. They would have a better idea as to what laws if any she's violating, and what kind of things you can do to get her to stop. But either way, I'm damn sure she's violating some human rights, and there should be some form of recourse for you to take.
Lastly, I can't imagine anyone finding this petty on your part. She's the one who needs to grow up. You just need to worry about you. *hugs* hang in there, :)
i haven't said anything yet because i honestly have no idea what to do, aside from giving you an extra big hug next time i see you
however
: EmoFox March 18, 2011, 08:27:08 -06:00
Lastly, I can't imagine anyone finding this petty on your part. She's the one who needs to grow up. You just need to worry about you. *hugs* hang in there, :)
i agree with this statement entirely, i don't know how you could think this is petty at all, its horrible, and you deserve better.
Thanks, guys! And thanks, Selkit, I'll do my best to ignore her.
I'll call the VPD tomorrow, see if there's anyone I can talk to, or ask my godfather - the all-knowing lawyer - if he can suggest a course of action.
Sevi, we still on for tomorrow night? Also, my basement with my bigass hd tv is available if you want to come here!
thats sounds awesome but i downloaded the movies so i can't bring em with me
ofc we could always do something else *wink wink* LUL
no but seriously, my house is a total bummer i would much rather come to your place if theres something else we could watch/do
I can try hooking them up to my TV. Usually works with my xBox cable. If not I have Six Feet Under here, as well as various interesting movies (including Monty Python!)
alright, i'll bring the popcorn, pm me with directions to your house
cya tomorrow :D
Sheeenanigans! Seriously, kids these days. I agree with Selkit. Don't cause a fuss when you don't need to- your best defense is to let her crucify herself. Quite frankly, its hard to build a legal case out of bullying unless there is clear, blatant evidence. You can also talk to the people who are leading your Youth Group privately about the issue, as I'm sure they have experience dealing with these issues.
And call me some time! :-3