Tonight, I'm feeling animosity towards me from "friends" in the community. I may be doing things wrong in my past, but the sense of animosity tonight felt greater than normal.
As Murray Hewitt from Flight of the Conchords would say: "Friends should be friends of friends' friends."
Tonight, I sense open-heartedness and "welcoming feelings" evaporating.
I get that too. You say "tonight felt greater than normal", are you saying that you 'usually' feel this way?
I feel greater than the background animosity I sometimes feel after I screwed up (and that's not much). "Normal" is right after I may have done something that most likely would (thinking back after the fact/in my perspective) weaken a friendship.
"Truly" normally, (everyday errands) if we get along, the feeling doesn't really exist. IDK, I think I may be thinking too much into this...
This is the only detail I will let out though: I got this feeling from two completely different friends all within today/tonight. One is kind of subsiding now, but at one point in the night, it was "doubled up".
If I may play devil's advocate for a moment, air-quoting "friends" may be a symptomatic aspect of the problem itself. Doubt in a friend can occasionally be a measure of paranoia or projected self-doubt. Learn to settle in, breathe, and relax. I'm not going to delve too deeply into the matter, but from observation? I'm seeing the same kind of forced emotional retreat out of you that I witnessed from your thread about your parents and the camera, here and now. Never try to understand word for word, what's going on inside another human being's head. It'll drive you completely batshit. Knowing what they project on their face and in their spoken word, then staying chill with it all? That's the key to happiness with friends, family and everyone around you.