Im at the end of my rope here :'(. I feel like ive given everything and gained nothing in return. that Ive been played for a fool only to have myself broken down once more.
How do you guys deal with this kind of depression?
How do you get over having nothing or no one to make you feel special in that special way?
Loud and angry music. Music is my number one emotional regulator and de-stress mechanism.
Also, having people to talk to works too, even if they're just IM / net friends. Sometimes you can work things out over text better than in person ... but that's my opinion.
Call Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868
Seriously. It's available up to age 20.
if you wanna be destructive then drink.... but i wouldnt recomend it. im at about the same place you are. all i can say is find something to take your mind off the pain. ive been goin to blues bars and walking around downtown with a coffee and window shopping. also walking the sea walk. its a great walk and the view is awsome. like i said just try and take your mind off it. if you like your more than welcome to join me on the weekend downtown.
I totally agree with RainRat. They will listen to you.
: RainRat November 02, 2010, 10:29:38 -06:00
Call Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868
Seriously. It's available up to age 20.
Thirding the 'give someone a call' here. Best thing to do when you're feeling that deeply into a depression is to find someone who knows what they're doing and talk it out some. Even if you can talk it through with someone who might not be a professional but still have some ability to empathize and work out the problems you're having, that's hugely valuable.
But no matter what, just don't let it get to you - do something before it can manage that.
Cookies... do not doubt the power of comfort foods, in moderation of course. *nods* Talking to somebody is one of the best things you can do, sometimes all you need is to talk things out and have somebody listen. If you don't have somebody, then walls or stuffed animals work as well. It helps to get things out in the open, and out there so that you're not just going around in circles in your head. Also, sometimes having a good cry works as well, it's another way of just letting things out.
Also, do the little things that make you feel good about yourself. Getting all dressed up for no reason, other then because you want to feel good. Sometimes a nice long bath or hot shower to help you relax. Clean your room, or if it's clean, then re-arrange it. Draw something purely for yourself. Make new friends, or reconnect with old ones. I am certain that nearly all of us on here would be more then happy to be your friend.
But above all, talk about what's going on. If you don't feel as though you have somebody there that you can talk to, I'll always listen if you want. You can find me on msn at shadow_stalker99@hotmail.com
I do hoped that you found even a little bit of this helpful. *hugs* I know it can be hard, but it's something that you can work through.
ShinigamiKitsune is dead right, and talking is so the way to go, she would know, i have talked to her a few times now ^.=.^ but me? i drive, i take long drives down random highways, before i had a car? i rode my bike, for hours.... before that? well there really was no "before that" for me...
things get dark... things get to the point where it seems like its never going to get better, but it always does, sometimes, it takes a while, but the longer it takes, it just makes it that much better when it comes. Its hard not too, but dont loose faith, never loose faith. i would offer my msn, but anyone who knows me can attest that i am never on it anymore, but feel free to note me, i check this forum daily if not twice or three times daily.
One thing that I've always done when depression starts breathing down your neck, is to look for the positive things. Look at what you have accomplished, and feel good about it.
If there isn't much to look back on, try revisiting some childhood dreams of where you want to be when you're old, and start planning it out.
Generally planning for the positive, and carrying out said plans will give you a better sense of self esteem.
Your depression might turn into frustration, as now you're trying to accomplish something, but it seems there's always something to slow you down. At that point, you can remember how far you've come, and you're not going to stop now.
These are what I do on a nearly daily basis. Stress still gets to me, but I don't let it drown my emotions, I focus on what needs to be done to get past it. If I can't figure out what needs to be done, I talk to someone.
At the end of the day, do something for you that you enjoy. Comfort food, inebriation, sex/masterbation, entertainment, whatever. Don't go to bed depressed or upset.
: Felix McKline November 05, 2010, 11:28:55 -06:00
sex/
Ya that helps when what your depressed about is what you need to have sex >.>
I can count the number of times I had sex on one hand myself, and I'm nearly 30. I don't miss it.
I could get all depressed about the sudden lack of kink in my life, but that wouldn't get me anywhere. Going and getting would, however.
Ah, welcome to my life. This is the kind of depression I used to deal with on a daily basis and still occasionally have to confront. Quick backstory for relvence, I am 'that guy' the one who has their life togather, has all the cards yet incapable of achieving much romantic success.
The key to overcoming thies depression is embracing solitude, not in an emo dark sense quite the oppisate in fact. Being a solo act means you can do things! :monocle:. One day every weekend I go on a date... with myself! (ok that sounded creepy), I get out and broaden the scope of my life, artistically, socially, culturally or intellectually and have a nice dinner too :3. It takes the form of going to mueseums, art galleries, taking a scenic drive, visiting a park, photography, etc. Heck this weekend I am enjoying a jaunt to Seattle alone (Picasso Exhibit at the Seattle Art Mueseum :monocle:). It feels wierd at first doing these things alone at first but then you start looking forward to those little dates with yourself.
Being a lonely shut in will make anyone depressed. Get out experience life, and you may even find a mate in the process too.
This is going to sound extremely emo, but to get over my depression, I play some Linkin Park. Their music has truely helped me get through tough situations. It doesn't have to be Linkin Park you have to listen to, but something comforting to you. And draw or write things that are bothering you. Write poems and songs, draw pictures of how you feel and it doesn't have to look pretty, it'll make you feel better. It's always worked for me. I did become a bit destructive with cutting myself 6 years ago, don't get that far. That's just taking things a bit far. Don't do drugs while you're in a bad mood either, it'll only make you feel worse when you're high.
I would suggest prayer/meditation - either go to your local church or Buddhist temple, or just practice solo.
I have found myself often in your situation, and I have found it to work. Do some breathing exercises to start off, to rid your mind of too much thought (otherwise, meditation is pretty useless.) check out some meditations on youtube - this one I really like:
Self-Esteem: A Guided Relaxation Session (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFvelHlN9Rw#)
I don't find it helps to fill your head with negative thoughts - to me its backwards thinking. Find a happy place in your life and stick to it - even if its make believe for now. If it's someplace you feel is worth your while, then make it your goal to get there.
: Van_Fox November 02, 2010, 09:36:57 -06:00
Im at the end of my rope here :'(. I feel like ive given everything and gained nothing in return. that Ive been played for a fool only to have myself broken down once more.
How do you guys deal with this kind of depression?
How do you get over having nothing or no one to make you feel special in that special way?
I know that feeling all too well, but there are a couple of things I do when I feel that depressed.
1: Talk to someone you trust. Let said person know that you have an issue you need to talk about and get it all off your chest. I find that in person, or on the phone works best. IM is OK if you can't actually talk to the person.
2: Play a good console/PC game that doesn't require a whole lot of thought, such as a driving/flying simulator. (German Truck Simulator for example) This helps to distract you for a bit.
3: If neither of the above work, then it would be best to consult a professional.
: Blue November 06, 2010, 06:05:53 -06:00
I would suggest prayer/meditation - either go to your local church or Buddhist temple, or just practice solo.
I don't find it helps to fill your head with negative thoughts - to me its backwards thinking. Find a happy place in your life and stick to it - even if its make believe for now. If it's someplace you feel is worth your while, then make it your goal to get there.
I agree with Blue on that one.
I am in karate; in a way it associates Meditation along with its physical endurance. It DEFINITELY helps me with my depression.
I am also in agreement of meditation being the most helpful thing for your personal wellbeing.
That as well as maintaining a healthy diet.
Whatever you do, just remember substance abuse is NOT the right route. Call the helpline, look into meditation, just don't pop pills or down booze... it will never work well out in the end. *hugs*
awwwr I know how you feel *hugs*
It's not easy, Ive been that way for many years. I dont know how I managed, I was kind of miserable deep inside but i never showed it. You will meet a lot of new people through out your life, (especially furries) I'm sure you will find that special someone eventually. Try to be patient, you're still young.
No more emo /wristing van, kay? :c
also..
: Marfles November 09, 2010, 12:42:41 -07:00
awwwr I know how you feel *hugs*
It's not easy, Ive been that way for many years. I dont know how I managed, I was kind of miserable deep inside but i never showed it. You will meet a lot of new people through out your life, (especially furries) I'm sure you will find that special someone eventually. Try to be patient, you're still young.
(http://f00.inventorspot.com/images/1559606_340_1116081430036-spam.jpg)
once again, marfles.
Thanks guys, but right now none of that is working. Im really upset and i want someone dead so nothing like masterbation, food or sleep is gonna work for me.
If that's the case, then let me tell you about something that my sister did when she was royally pissed at one of her ex's. She found a fair sized rock, wrote the guy's name on one side, and on the other side wrote a little poem about allowing her aim to be strong and true. Then she packed it around in her purse or whatever bag she had, for about a year or so, until she wasn't as pissed at him anymore. Now, she never intended to use the rock... but it was comforting to know that she had it with her. Violence is not the answer... but the idea of it can be helpful.
: ShinigamiKitsune November 09, 2010, 10:56:09 -07:00
If that's the case, then let me tell you about something that my sister did when she was royally pissed at one of her ex's. She found a fair sized rock, wrote the guy's name on one side, and on the other side wrote a little poem about allowing her aim to be strong and true. Then she packed it around in her purse or whatever bag she had, for about a year or so, until she wasn't as pissed at him anymore. Now, she never intended to use the rock... but it was comforting to know that she had it with her. Violence is not the answer... but the idea of it can be helpful.
I thought this was going to be the "Gas can + Tree + rope + match Story" Ha ha WIN, how is it possible for you guys to be SO GOD DAM EPIC.
But,
It is hard... I know it is, i have gone through much the same, I have had my heart broken a few times now. and never easily... i have also been a VERY lonely person, never had much luck with relationships, hell i know so many people who just have hook-ups or what-have-you's. Not me, not even close. And it does hurt. But, well i know its hard, i know its REALLY hard. but the best thing to do, is not focus on it, if im angry, or sad, i go on a drive, (ShinigamiKitsune can vouch for that one too) then after im not immensely upset, i find something to do with my hands, i work on my car, i work on my Suit of Replica Halo Armor, i go kill a SHIT TONE of Zombies in Left for Dead, or something else of that nature, until i feel content. Granted this might not work for you, but being someone who knows exactly how it feels, and still in the mending stage of a recent "Incident" of heart breaking, its the best advice i can offer.
Wishing you the best Van,
Wyrd.
: Wyrd-Hotd November 09, 2010, 11:06:14 -07:00
I thought this was going to be the "Gas can + Tree + rope + match Story" Ha ha WIN, how is it possible for you guys to be SO GOD DAM EPIC.
Do note, that the gas can was actually full of water at the time... of course since it had been used for gas for a while before that, it still had the smell....
Another epic one was the "Big hole + stale muffins + frozen water bottles". It may not have actually happened. but to this day, the guy still can't eat a muffin.
I can understand that trying to fill the hole in your heart with things like food or masturbation won't work, because these things are quick fixes - and will end up taking over your life if you aren't careful.
No, I am suggesting deep prayer or meditation. And I am being serious here. Check out your local Buddhist Temples. Don't worry about not being Buddhist or whatever - it's not a religion, and it ain't gonna mess with yours. But these people have been studying meditation their whole lives, and can teach you tricks on emptying your mind of negative thoughts or emotions better than anyone else I can think of.
You need to clear your head, and you need to relax. This is indeed a hard time in your life, but as everyone is so quick to say these days - it really does get better. Please, don't do anything regretful.
none of that will work either =/
talk about a self-fulfilled prophecy, guy.
step one? Force yourself to think positive. Or else enjoy digging that hole.
How about a hug? *pounces on and hugs tightly, and even cuddles a little* It might not be a real one, but you can pretend it is. *nods*
: ThanatosPanda November 09, 2010, 08:09:17 -07:00
(http://f00.inventorspot.com/images/1559606_340_1116081430036-spam.jpg)
once again, marfles.
*ear flats*
only way to deal with onset depression is let it run dry, if nothing can get you out of that depression hole. Been there before myself. only a suggestion is to set a clear future goal(attainable) to set your mind to.
: Blue November 10, 2010, 05:54:14 -07:00
talk about a self-fulfilled prophecy, guy.
No kidding... And I thought/have been told I'm a stubborn S.O.B. :(
Seriously Van, if nothing is gonna work, go see a doctor ASAP, otherwise you'll end up doing something that not only will you regret big time (from the sounds of it, could result in actual prison time), but will haunt you for the rest of your days.
If you're to start healing, the first step is to let go. It's gonna hurt, and for quite a while, but letting go is the most important bit. You have friends, as well as forum members who are more than willing to help you along.
I had to see my doctor for depression. Even though you may not be able to fix the problem for awhile, at least try to find ways of coping.
I love how someone asks for advice and then rejects all of it without even trying. What's the point of asking for help and advice when you won't even try anything? Attitudes like this won't get anyone anywhere in life. I'm sorry if this comes off as sounding angry, but stupidity like this really brings out the "Wrath" in me.
People here are trying to help you, shouldn't that make you feel special that people care about you? Do something before you push everyone away and eventually end up as alone as you feel in your time of sadness.
: Wrath November 11, 2010, 07:35:41 -07:00
I love how someone asks for advice and then rejects all of it without even trying. What's the point of asking for help and advice when you won't even try anything? Attitudes like this won't get anyone anywhere in life. I'm sorry if this comes off as sounding angry, but stupidity like this really brings out the "Wrath" in me.
Agreed Wrath. I can speak from experience too, having pulled what Van is pulling now.
To be honest, eating does help, but only till the food is gone lol
: Fargo November 11, 2010, 07:41:38 -07:00
: Wrath November 11, 2010, 07:35:41 -07:00
I love how someone asks for advice and then rejects all of it without even trying. What's the point of asking for help and advice when you won't even try anything? Attitudes like this won't get anyone anywhere in life. I'm sorry if this comes off as sounding angry, but stupidity like this really brings out the "Wrath" in me.
Agreed Wrath. I can speak from experience too, having pulled what Van is pulling now.
Been there done that too, would rather not disrespect people like that.
Van, may I make a suggestion? I personally suffer from seasonal-affective disorder, a form of depression linked to light levels and overall activity. I am *not* suggesting you get medicated (Very rarely is medication more than a crutch to get you through the worst times, and it's almost never a fix). What I am suggesting is the following:
- Get outside, and failing that, get a sunlamp, then spend some time in its presence each day, to give your glandular state a bit of a kickstart. Even for non-seasonal depression cases, sunlight is beneficial, helps you feel more awake, and can be had free, unlike the lamp. Simply open the window shades.
- Exercise. Seriously. Minimum of 20 minutes a day. What I do is 20 minutes of light exercise per day (Tabata style, throughout the day in short but intense bursts), and every third day, 45 minutes of balanced, sustained exercise. Not only will your state of fitness thank you, you will feel significantly better.
- Sleep *LESS*. If you are sleeping nine hours, and feeling badly rested, you are sleeping too much. At most, you only need 8 hours, and even then, 7 is considered a healthy adult figure, for good uninterrupted rest. If you have difficulty falling asleep, melatonin may be of use, but take the smallest dose you can find. Do be aware though, that melatonin does tend to cause some pretty vivid, lucid dreams from time to time, and should *NOT* be taken for more than four weeks; It is only a short term solution, and should not be relied on.
- Nap more. If you need it, take a half hour in the afternoon, but no more, just to settle in for some quiet time, if you can. It's quite rejuvenating.
- Drink your milk. Vitamin D deficiency and calcium deficiency will aggravate most forms of depression further, suppress your immune system, and drop your energy level into the crapper. Two glasses a day, and I'm fine.
- When you find yourself in a rut, make yourself do something. Anything. No matter how trivial it is. Do dishes. Play a game. Read a book. Anything but just crawling into bed outside of normal sleeping hours. It's quite hard to reset your circadian cycle once you've monkey-wrenched it, and you probably will want to sleep a lot. Don't. Sleep in a regular pattern.
Depression, regardless of the specific cause, is a symptom of unresolved issues in your life or biochemistry. In your case, it sounds like you may have a social issue that you can't resolve; what you can do, is immunize yourself against the symptoms bit by bit, through lifestyle changes. In my case it's a seasonal disorder, treatable with supplements, UV exposure, and regimented behavior. Costs me nothing but time, and the gained energy, the reclaimed time is worth far more than that. Work on one small thing at a time, add it to a routine (and absolutely, totally -hold- yourself to a routine! It's hard, I know, but it has to be done!), and add more as you can. Nobody here has a magic button to just make things better for you, but we can at least offer you some practical advice.
Couldn't help but notice the title to this and thought maybe someone was suicidal. Thankfully not. :o Hopefully things have gotten better, just be careful of the advice some people give you, because it can do more damage than not.
: Fargo November 11, 2010, 07:41:38 -07:00: Wrath November 11, 2010, 07:35:41 -07:00
I love how someone asks for advice and then rejects all of it without even trying. What's the point of asking for help and advice when you won't even try anything? Attitudes like this won't get anyone anywhere in life. I'm sorry if this comes off as sounding angry, but stupidity like this really brings out the "Wrath" in me.
Agreed Wrath. I can speak from experience too, having pulled what Van is pulling now.
Well, I'll agree that you ARE stubborn, and really this is one of these times where you should take your own advice. Just sayin.' You can't help someone if you don't follow the advice you just gave here. :o
Keep calm, keep control of yourself, many things work but for short periods of time, you need to be true to who you are as a person and look within, hope can never be lost, after a day ends a new one begins, take life one step at a time and try and think positively, there is always a way through life, you just need to shape your own path.
i would suggest hanging out with friends, try and smile and keep an up-beat attitude, iv been in your situation many times, but i always shake my head and try and keep calm and positive.
Honestly I can tell you its more work to be in a relationship than you think, especially (no offence meant) if your with a woman. The amount of drama and bullshit will seem like nothing at first but over time things build up and if she ever ends the relationship judging by your current state over just finding someone gonna be worse than me with losing someone.. but now im :gay: and happy (no i am not saying you must be gay to be happy) in the end please apreciate bachelorhood there is no worry about are they going to cheat or hurt you not saying they all will there are some magical ones out there ;) and also.. depression is not a chick magnet when your depressed your body actually releases a chemical that subconsiously makes other people not want to be around you and we dun want that </3
Not to mention that hinging all of your wellbeing on a relationship is guaranteed to have disastrous results.
You need to fix yourself before ANYONE will want to be with you.
Holy crap, I havent been on in a while i didnt think people would still be posting on this XD Either you car or just love to pick at people XD
Every things kay now =3