HI! everyone!
I thought just put this out on the forum boards!! I will not give out names because i don't want to embarrass the person involved.. Also to warn other to defiantly prescreen roommate via phone calls ,texts and chatting(there free if you use msn or yahoo to chat)
I recently had a situation were a roommate was not honest with me about his mental disabilities.He arrived from Ontario smelling like he had not showered in weeks his clothes were filthy AND he did not think to bring clothes or hygiene products! he only brought his game systems !!!! He did not have a single penny on him! So i had to take him to the salvation army .. but, before hand i had to make a list for him of what he needed and then I had to tell him exactly what to say ! He was totally clueless.He creeps out my friends both male and female by asking them if they were single THREE times!They told him they weren't interested in males .. and that they were all ready mated. That is not all ! i had to tell him to shower everyday cause he did not do it on his own!He was boisterous and did not know how to lower his voice at night time. near the end of my ordeal with his he confides in me telling me hes got autism and is stuck at age 11!I was just livid! but did not show it .all i did was take a huge breath thought for a few min what my options were.The told him he had to go home cause i wasn't prepared to look after an 11 year old stuck in a 20 year olds body.That i was looking for someone able to look after themselves (as i said i have kids of my own)
In the end after the 3 day i felt entrapment, scared,depressed and obligated !I felt like i was gonna have to look after him forever and that i was stuck with him I didn't know what to do cause he couldn't get on welfare right away plus him not being able to clearly say what his needs are to them and last but not least child welfare telling me to kick him out! DID I MENTION HES A FURRY?? FROM THIS FORUM?
In conclusion, it turned out badly for him, I have cubs ages 11 and 10 , and child welfare told me to ask him to leave cause he was a danger to my cubs due to his severe emotional outbursts over little things.So the day it happened I took him down town to community living and tried to get an advocate for him and a support worker. Then to welfare to get a bus ticket for him .Then my worker told me to run a missing persons search at the police station .Then the police officer drove us to the hospital ,and that's were i left him in their care where he can get the support he needs.
I do not want this to happen to any one! Both mentally disabled persons or able bodied people!
When leaving for another Provence use your common sense.Make sure you can support your self ,roof over your head and plenty of clean clothes,Make phone calls to your employer or welfare to make sure you have an income.Take down your soon to be roommates number and address in case you get lost!Make sure you have a back up plan if it dose not work out or you would end up on the street homeless!Take note of the services offered in case the housing situation breaks down!FOR EXAMPLE:local churches. soup kitchens,shelters and welfare! For women there are VERY safe shelters scattered through Canada you just need to look in phone books!
FOR THOSE MENTALITY DISABLED: DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME PROVENCE!IT TAKES CLOSE TO 6 MONTHS TO GET DISABILITY AND 3 MONTHS TO GET ON WELFARE ANY WHERE YOU GO! BE honest a bout your disabilities with other people online, because some people will get angry with your dishonesty and your entrapment(meaning not telling them you mentally disabled and moving out to them expecting Competent roommate ) Then having to look after you both physically ,emotionally and financially.
I think that's all i have to say. >:(
Well the person technically is only 11, so you can't blame them for too much.
But I do agree that there was a major lack of judgement on their part... =\
yes but he didnt tell me till after !
: Zythren August 21, 2010, 08:27:30 -06:00
Well the person technically is only 11...
How can an 11 year old move across provinces on their own and have no one realize it?
Thanks for the heads up! I was actually thinking of finding a place for myself and/or a room mate after I got a stable job I'll be extra careful when the time comes ;)
: zenia August 21, 2010, 08:40:59 -06:00
: Zythren August 21, 2010, 08:27:30 -06:00
Well the person technically is only 11...
How can an 11 year old move across provinces on their own and have no one realize it?
Yeah where's the parent in all this? Or a care worker person thing. o.o
HE WAS 20 years old! but acted 11 ! and i phoned his mom in ontario ! she' also mentaly disabled! AND she let him come here!*tisk* i really didnt know what to do at all
Cause he had been living with his mom he feel through the cracks of ontario government ! I felt frustrated cause when we were talking to the suport worker he changed his story .. like wtf! he told them he had run a way from his mom cause she was controling him but i could understand why she was ! but i dont know the whole story cause he had been lieing to me ..
Wow! o.o
No father or any other relatives?
Lol I think you did the right thing by taking him somewhere where he'll get taken care of.
I don't want to sound rude here but it was just as much a lack of judgement on your part.. you should really get to know someone better BEFORE inviting them into your home
I guess lesson learned?
yes lesson learned .. but i had been talik to him a while online he presented him self to be capeable and able .. boy was i wrong
!
That is kinda freaking indeed O.=.o bleh talk about a real bad example for meeting people online...
I can't say I blame you for any of it though, it seems pretty commonplace in the fandom for people to mis-represent themselves sadly. I tend to be one of the less outgoing ones because of people like that. Unless I really meet the person I have a hard time really trusting the person they say they are.
While I agree with others above that you really should have found out more about this person before inviting them to live with you, I think we've all harped on that enough. This really sucks for everyone involved, and it's one of the reasons why furs are so shy in the fandom, because they hear stories like this one, or about what goes on behind closed doors at cons, etc.
Every fandom has it's nutjobs, but they are usually a very small percentage of the actual group. It's like Trekkies. There are lots of Trekkies out there, but few of them would remodel their home in the visage of the Enterprise's main deck. Few furs actually take their interests so far as to have to be looked after like pets, but they ARE out there, and some of them don't even realize they're doing it. Which makes all of us look bad.
Sorry you had the experience that you did.
sorry to hear about your ordeal. I've had similar history with taking in room mates. I finally learned after THREE times.
A lot of people take advantage of the good hearted.. but not all of them do it on purpose.
I also just want to throw this out there. for people who need help with the government in BC. for disability and a few other things.
Newton Advocacy
604-596-2311
http://www.newtonadvocacygroup.ca/main/ (http://www.newtonadvocacygroup.ca/main/)
these people helped me get on the federal disability which is HARD to do... but BETTER then CPP.
they have a lot of wonderful people working there.
pfft. I think you did all you could have. What were you supposed to do to "find out more about him", anyway? I know when I look for roommates, I don't ask them about disabilities. That's kind of personal, and honestly, if he didn't bring that very important piece of information up himself it's likely he would have lied if you had asked. I have had 8 different roommates in my life, I know how it is to just be SO in need of help with rent you can't afford to wait around to you can live with a friend-of-a-friend with good references. 3 of those roommates have been total, straight-off-of-craigslist strangers. That's life.
We all take risks sometimes, and sometimes they don't work out. I'm glad everything got sorted eventually, it sounds like a stressful situation.
One needs to actually MEET the person a few times who is going to be plopping their ass in a roommate situation. Going by online/chat whatever isn't good enough. That's like letting the snake into the mouse hole. Asking for trouble.
When dealing with furries, you have to learn to lower your expectations.
Your advice is all well and good for normal people, but beyond the ability
of some furries to follow. Have some compassion... to a point; don't let
yourself be taken advantage of, for that will only lead to bitterness.