Not going to lie; I was really debating posting this is the first place out of fear that it might attract the wrong people. From past experiences I have found that when you say you are trying to make friends; people are more than willing to help out then turn out to be asses if they can't have manipulation over you. On the other hand since I have moved to b.c. I have made no friends here and it's very hard to since I can't afford to go do things, nor do I drive, pretty antisocial and scare people in person for some reason. I am extremely bored though.
Anyway the whole reason I'm scared of even trying to make friends is that I've had so many past issues with it and because I don't know the furry community. I was wondering what everyone's thoughts were on the community as I don't really know many in the community and the few I had met back where I last lived...scared me and fit a lot of the stereotypes furries have yet a friend (back in my old town) was really involved in the community and said everyone was nice and not creeps. Also I'm asexual and a cross dresser but straight and I was wondering if that's excepted in the community as it isn't much in a lot of other supposedly accepting communities.
I figured by having some heads up on things it might help either bring truth to my anxiety or ease it cause the fear is really bad, it's to an unnecessary point I know but I can't stop it either.
It really depends on what you're looking for. Furries are generally very diverse, politically, socially and economically. People want different things from people and it's best to look for people to socialize with and have an open mind at the same time. Not everyone's going to be a person you just "click" with and not everyone is a creep either. There's definitely a gradient.
Understand "what do I want out of a friend" and "what do I offer in return". Then you'll be able to find if people are interested.
: 00ACE00 January 15, 2016, 01:16:15 -07:00
... On the other hand since I have moved to b.c. I have made no friends here and it's very hard to since I can't afford to go do things, nor do I drive, pretty antisocial and scare people in person for some reason. I am extremely bored though.
I figured by having some heads up on things it might help either bring truth to my anxiety or ease it cause the fear is really bad, it's to an unnecessary point I know but I can't stop it either.
Many people who consider themselves antisocial, really are not. By definition, being antisocial is not wanting the company of others, or even wishing harm to others, which seems in contrast to what you are saying here. Give this video a look, and it may allow for some insights into your own personality.
https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts?language=en (https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts?language=en)
: Owl January 15, 2016, 10:17:26 -07:00
It really depends on what you're looking for. Furries are generally very diverse, politically, socially and economically. People want different things from people and it's best to look for people to socialize with and have an open mind at the same time. Not everyone's going to be a person you just "click" with and not everyone is a creep either. There's definitely a gradient.
Understand "what do I want out of a friend" and "what do I offer in return". Then you'll be able to find if people are interested.
Thanks I'll keep that in mind.
I can relate to this post and the question of whether or nother to make friends with these furry folk. A few years ago when I arrived in Victoria with a fresh start in life I decided to look into this whole furry thing which was previously not a huge part of my life by any means but something that had always kept my curiosity and after 10-ish years I decided to sate my thirst and see what the community was like.
I attended a meet here and met some really really awesome people. Most of whom I still consider to be great friends. I took everything at face value at it all seemed perfect. A bunch of folks from all walks of life, and I do mean all walks. It allowed me to let out some rope which in hindsight I really needed. Of course honeymoon phase wore off and I started to see the cracks in the group and that things were falling apart in alot of ways. I thought I could be a good anchor point and unify all the problems of the world (or at least for my newfound friends) and tried to step up and take charge. I'd like to think for a time I did an OK job of holding it together. Whether that's true or not is irrelevant.
Of course anyone with half a brain (I generally work at one third most days) could see this was a bad idea. Eventually I got caught up in the middle of a lot of pulling sides, and this coupled with my own personal BS caused things to fail quite catastrophically. I picked up most of my own pieces, did as much damage control as I could and have settled back in a much more sustainable way. Personal lessons learned.
So long story short, the community is pretty great and always interesting. You'll meet really great folks, some of the most genuine and talented you ever could in my opinion. It can teach you lessons and feed your ego all at the same time. It's an experience l wouldn't trade for the world. But people are people, furry or not. There's ups and downs, folks at all different points in their personal development and there's saints and manipulators and everything in between. Heck once you've got someone pegged they might even hop over to the other side for no apparent reason. It's a real crapshoot.
But is it worth it? To me, YES. Disclaimer: I'm not a good measuring device since I'm a very strange dog.
Is it a perfect community where everything is ham and rainbows? Nothing is so far as I've found. If you find such a place send us all a postcard, we'll be there soon. But for now take a crack at this furry thing and you'll either grow or run away screaming bloody murder.
: Milo January 15, 2016, 08:11:02 -07:00
I can relate to this post and the question of whether or nother to make friends with these furry folk. A few years ago when I arrived in Victoria with a fresh start in life I decided to look into this whole furry thing which was previously not a huge part of my life by any means but something that had always kept my curiosity and after 10-ish years I decided to sate my thirst and see what the community was like.
I attended a meet here and met some really really awesome people. Most of whom I still consider to be great friends. I took everything at face value at it all seemed perfect. A bunch of folks from all walks of life, and I do mean all walks. It allowed me to let out some rope which in hindsight I really needed. Of course honeymoon phase wore off and I started to see the cracks in the group and that things were falling apart in alot of ways. I thought I could be a good anchor point and unify all the problems of the world (or at least for my newfound friends) and tried to step up and take charge. I'd like to think for a time I did an OK job of holding it together. Whether that's true or not is irrelevant.
Of course anyone with half a brain (I generally work at one third most days) could see this was a bad idea. Eventually I got caught up in the middle of a lot of pulling sides, and this coupled with my own personal BS caused things to fail quite catastrophically. I picked up most of my own pieces, did as much damage control as I could and have settled back in a much more sustainable way. Personal lessons learned.
So long story short, the community is pretty great and always interesting. You'll meet really great folks, some of the most genuine and talented you ever could in my opinion. It can teach you lessons and feed your ego all at the same time. It's an experience l wouldn't trade for the world. But people are people, furry or not. There's ups and downs, folks at all different points in their personal development and there's saints and manipulators and everything in between. Heck once you've got someone pegged they might even hop over to the other side for no apparent reason. It's a real crapshoot.
But is it worth it? To me, YES. Disclaimer: I'm not a good measuring device since I'm a very strange dog.
Is it a perfect community where everything is ham and rainbows? Nothing is so far as I've found. If you find such a place send us all a postcard, we'll be there soon. But for now take a crack at this furry thing and you'll either grow or run away screaming bloody murder.
LOL sounds like the cosplay community. Some good advice. ^.^ I feel ton less scared now.
No idea if i'll be of any help, but i'll toss my hat in the ring.
I think your anxiety over meeting new people is rational - to an extent. It's absolutely true alot of people are asshats who will use you, or use your anxiety as fire-fodder to attack you with. Like that Eurthyramtic song ;P
However, what you have to keep in mind is you need to preset boundaries for people and be strong in yourself. People cant pull the trigger if you don't hand em the gun right? Never take what people say to heart unless they truly matter to you. That'll save you alot of hurt when meeting new people. I have social anxiety too, and I can be weird around people so I really do get where youre coming from... All you can do is be yourself, and if someone doesnt like that don't let it eat you up. Keep trying. You'll eventually come across genuine friendship that won't manipulate.
: Freezie January 18, 2016, 11:17:26 -07:00
No idea if i'll be of any help, but i'll toss my hat in the ring.
I think your anxiety over meeting new people is rational - to an extent. It's absolutely true alot of people are asshats who will use you, or use your anxiety as fire-fodder to attack you with. Like that Eurthyramtic song ;P
However, what you have to keep in mind is you need to preset boundaries for people and be strong in yourself. People cant pull the trigger if you don't hand em the gun right? Never take what people say to heart unless they truly matter to you. That'll save you alot of hurt when meeting new people. I have social anxiety too, and I can be weird around people so I really do get where youre coming from... All you can do is be yourself, and if someone doesnt like that don't let it eat you up. Keep trying. You'll eventually come across genuine friendship that won't manipulate.
Thanks, I know that's something I need to work on. :)
What Freezie said!
Furries are similar to most people, except they have an outlet of a desire or passion that may be used to progress their socializing. It's not a specialized club where you have to act a certain way, dress a certain way, or read hand books from a community. People use this an an outlet and as a contact. If you've heard bad stories or good stories, look hard enough and you'll find both for where ever you go. Just keep your head up, your lights forward, and try not to feel overwhelmed. If you make a mistake, that's fine, keep going forward and people will still appreciate you. Have fun, be civil, look towards the future, and you'll be alright.
I'm not scared of anyone come say hi I'm making heads and you could too if you watch how I do it
: ppakky January 24, 2016, 02:56:13 -07:00
Furries are similar to most people, except they have an outlet of a desire or passion that may be used to progress their socializing. It's not a specialized club where you have to act a certain way, dress a certain way, or read hand books from a community. People use this an an outlet and as a contact. If you've heard bad stories or good stories, look hard enough and you'll find both for where ever you go. Just keep your head up, your lights forward, and try not to feel overwhelmed. If you make a mistake, that's fine, keep going forward and people will still appreciate you. Have fun, be civil, look towards the future, and you'll be alright.
That's a really nice outlook on things.
: Doink January 25, 2016, 01:17:16 -07:00
I'm not scared of anyone come say hi I'm making heads and you could too if you watch how I do it
That's cool. I'm not into making the full furry costumes myself though just because I can barley breath in a sweater. So I do more of the rave-ish/club looking outfits but more covered.
: 00ACE00 January 26, 2016, 02:47:16 -07:00
That's cool. I'm not into making the full furry costumes myself though just because I can barley breath in a sweater. So I do more of the rave-ish/club looking outfits but more covered.
all I do is listen to edm and rave music, building heads is a great excuse to put down the remote and just let the music play.
I definitely commend you for sharing your concerns with us 00ACE00. As it has been stated above furries are people too with their social lives and their common interest brings them together.
When going to events or getting to know new individuals in a group you have to go in open minded. Expect that anything can happen and get to know group members. Couple of years has shown that you keep the contact with good people while you have take out the ones that are causing you harm.
As you have the means, see if you can attend one or the other small furry event that is taking place.
how has the friend building going?
make any new friends since?
i do get how you feel. past experiences have made it much harder for me to go out, and make new friends. just going out is a panic.
i did join the staff for vancoufur. which is exciting to be a part of.
i can always try, and be a friend, im generally quiet. but i try my best to respond. ^_^ usually quick on emails lol.
i have the telegram, but rarely speak in it. mostly cause of anxiety.
I definitely understand how you feel, there are a lot of weird and/or toxic people in this and in all fandoms.
: Akida Kosama April 13, 2016, 06:43:21 -06:00
I definitely understand how you feel, there are a lot of weird and/or toxic people in this and in all fandoms.
personally im not here to meet normal people lol
XD Yeah, me neither, frankly weird people are more fun to hang around
Weird people (or weird as seen by main stream society) is what makes the world a different place.
Think of Socrates, Plato, Leonardo Davinci, Thomas Edison, Nikola Tesla, Pablo Picasso and Salvador Dali amongst many. Their actions were considered weird at first but they shaped the world.
: Shadowgoddess April 13, 2016, 03:02:34 -06:00
how has the friend building going?
make any new friends since?
i do get how you feel. past experiences have made it much harder for me to go out, and make new friends. just going out is a panic.
i did join the staff for vancoufur. which is exciting to be a part of.
i can always try, and be a friend, im generally quiet. but i try my best to respond. ^_^ usually quick on emails lol.
i have the telegram, but rarely speak in it. mostly cause of anxiety.
Not very good and no. XD
I'm glad to hear that vancoufur worked out for you pretty good. That's a hard thing to do when you have anxiety but props to you for getting out. ^.^
Drop me a message sometime. I don't have telegram. >.<
: Akida Kosama April 13, 2016, 06:43:21 -06:00
I definitely understand how you feel, there are a lot of weird and/or toxic people in this and in all fandoms.
That's what worries me, I've been around extremely toxic people or really two faced people so often to the point where it made me want to socialize even less and I have to remove myself from their presence or I will physically hurt them. Most times I can just walk away though which is good but I get back lash from strangers they know for not defending myself. So if I feel like something may not sit well with me then I just avoid it.