UPDATE: For some reason beyond me, I missed writing out most of the entry, now completed:
While doing some research across this community, it seems there is little talk about this sensitive topic.
Yet over the years I talked to furries and occasionally heard of fellow members having been on the receiving end of such attack, withholding the term “victim”.
Particularly in the US this has been a rising concern, whether it is teen suicide and school shootings due to students being bullied. Ever since the tragedy of Amanda Todd covered by the media a few years ago, this topic hit home very hard. Schools, parents and communities alike recognize the concern and see to address it.
Outside of being a furry there are many other traits we have in common, whether it is lifestyle, interest in fashion, art, technology, including video games. And likewise it feels a large number has been treated poorly in school by class mates. Members who currently attend high school may experience this humiliation while others have endured years of pain be it verbal or physical.
As a result, it would be interesting to know amongst fellow furries who are or have endured tease and harassment during teen years and whether the number is as large as assumed.
No bullies I've seen, I've felt some people have been a little rude towards me in the past though and have tried to gain the "upper hand" and make me seem like I'm a lesser person but that's just what I've felt. If I ever saw someone actually bully someone though, I'd step in right away. You have my firm word on that.
I had bullies in my time in school but not due to being a furry, more so due to my lifestyle choice haha
In elementary school years, I had people who would verbally abuse me on a daily basis.
One time, I even got jumped at a different park by this guy I thought was my friend. He chased me over people's lawns because I was running to get away from him. I accidentally fell and he "towered" over me, and hit my ankle really hard with my own scooter, because he was chasing me with it, *that* is why I was running! This nice old woman came out of her house to see if I was alright. By the time she came out the kid who smacked me was on the other side of the road, behind the fence of the park and him and his friends were talking back to her before they buggered off. I thanked her and went to retrieve my scooter, and that was also the day I met one of my good old friends, who helped me walk home. I got my scooter back too, but the next day something ridiculous happened. This wasn't even on school grounds and they had the audacity to go to the principle and made ME, say sorry to them. I tried to explain to the principle but he said "I don't care who started what, apologize!" They did too, but I know they didn't mean it, my apology was unnecessary. That was in Grade 3, they were all Grade 5's and 6's during that time, one girl was a Grade 7. Funny, the same girl punched me really good in the face when I was hanging out with my friend at a baseball field because her little brother wouldn't stop calling me names and I just told him to shut up and he started crying.
Then there was another time where I went to a park all by myself (this one was much closer to my house) and all these guys came up on me and tried to circle me and beat me up, but I stood my ground. I have no fighting experience but I relied on speed and strength so they couldn't hurt me. One guy who was friends with these boys use to chase me around with a hockey stick while he was on roller blades playing street hockey, and the worst of it all? He lived up stairs to me. Sometimes I would have to go hide and wait a while until he went back inside or went somewhere else. An unfortunate experience but I learned how to be more stealthy.
Girls were especially rude to me too! I had girls in school who would pretend to be my friend and side with the people who didn't like me just because I was "different". I had two twins who acted so snobby towards me, I swear they were like bipolar or just two bitchy twins or something. When I was 13, I went to a group thinking it was for kids to meet up with other kids and socialize, it turned out being a sex ed group. I don't know how we got that messed up. Anyway, the girls in there were really snobby and rude towards me. After a few weeks, the group finished. I found one of the girls on Facebook and I decided to message her out of the blue and I just wanted to say hello and say to her I hope you enjoyed the card, you seem like a nice girl. Then all of a sudden she messages me back saying "EW YOU'RE THAT UGLY FAT GIRL. NO ONE LIKED YOU IN THAT GROUP, AND WE TALKED ABOUT YOU. DON'T EVER MESSAGE ME AGAIN" and then I just blocked her and her other friend started messaging and harassing me, it was kind of sad, like oh, here I am getting this bullcrap for trying to be nice. :P That sums all the crap I went through, in school and out.
Oh, and about the school thing. I eventually broke down one day, because I realized I had no friends and everyone was against me, just because I was "weird" or "different". One day I just stopped going. I changed schools and no more bullying happened. Sure, there were some guys who were a little rude but not even CLOSE to what I endured back then. Now, being 18 and so far ahead from all that, if someone tried to back me in a corner I'd have their ass on the ground, or heck they'd be lucky I didn't even lay a finger on them. I don't play nice with people who try to gang up on me, or people who try to start crap with me. It's just how I am, and all of that has made me into a stronger person. I will gladly help anyone, I never ever hesitate to help someone in need. If I ever saw someone, or a group of people gang up on someone HELL YEAH I'd go all Hulk on their asses, but that's just me.
i was harrassed a lot in school (mostly junior high) for being "girly". no one ever physically did anything, which im lucky for because i saw lots of fights and beating from jocks towards nerds or the smoker crowd. i just tried to be invisible all the time. i only got punched once because the girl that was calling me names got mad when i told her to shut up so she called her bully friend over. she just said "im going punch you so you might as well just stand there so i only have to do it once", so for logics sake, i did. i despise bullies most out of all people and think there should be greater consequences for them AND their parents. but no one listens. i was from a small town.
I can't think of a single event where someone hasn't been bullied in school once or twice. It's part of life unfortunately. I thankfully(?) had a family name which is well known in these part of the wack and once people realized who I was most left me alone
Because my first real bullying was from my grade 5 teacher I had a harder time adjusting to what might have been 'normal' for a girl my age..of course I was anything but that.It was a hard year and I remember going home crying most days.My mom and dad got involved with the school board and after a year of fighting..well that teacher is a teacher there no longer needless to say.
My martial arts and the way I hold myself probably prevented a lot of potential bullying. By high school it was a widely accepted fact that you didn't mess with me nor my very few friends I had around that time. I remember having to simply raise my voice and things that would have become a fight were solved.
Mostly I simply stayed to myself and was quiet...I find those that don't speak tend to draw less attention to themselves.The worst part is when people you think are friends stab you in the back.I've had a few'friends' like that it and such I don't trust others easily if at all.It's sad really,I could be such an open person but because of past events I became bitter and withdrawn...*sighs* I think people need to be more aware that bullying is a serious issue and has life-long effects on the people effected.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience of this unfortunate experience. Your description and observation was interesting to read Lindel. It is unfortunate that this is part of growing up.
One question arises how has this shaped you in the past and how do you cope with it nowadays. Have you become more suspicious of people, more careful, taking more time to trust people?
: Wereman May 30, 2015, 07:21:19 -06:00
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience of this unfortunate experience. Your description and observation was interesting to read Lindel. It is unfortunate that this is part of growing up.
One question arises how has this shaped you in the past and how do you cope with it nowadays. Have you become more suspicious of people, more careful, taking more time to trust people?
I don't go out of my way to interact with others and depending on numerous factors I may never come out of my little bubble. I don't trust anyone unless they prove themselves worthy..and that takes a very long time before I do. According to my closest friend I have become better throughout the years, but certain things trigger a fight or flight response and whomever is close to me at that time(usually said friend) has to basically start over
The fandom has been good for me I think. Everyone is welcoming and shares a similar personality/mindset..which makes it easier for me to adapt. I haven't attended any large dinner meets(largest had around 25ish people and I felt overwhelmed)
I got bullied a fair bit in my younger years, I just never was one of the "popular" kids (yeah I missed that awesome boat of being a stoner, alcoholic and potential father all within a 4 year span after puberty..... too bad lol)
Hyperbole and sarcasm aside. I was the new kid in a school at some of those supposedly important years where kids start forming lill gangs and picking targets. I was the odd one out.. But come grade 4 I had this eureka moment where I realized... I was an outdoors kid, I helped my family haul truck loads of firewood for allowance money, I was use to scrapes and bumps and I was getting actually kinda strong for a kid my age. When the next year of school started, I was still the same timid kid I was before... hated confrontation and being bugged, but this time I now had a limited fuse, and when someone would keep pushing and pushing, or dare to actually get a little physical, I would just snap and go right for them and their little challenge. I cant say I ever lost a fight, took a lotta hits for sure but they would let up far before I did XD
The way the school handled it too wasn't all that great, they always took the bullies side because I fought back and since it was usually 2-3 of them vs me, but yet they never stopped shit when I was being passive. I actually got suspended in grade 6 after a particularly nasty fight, even though the start of it had two kids taking swings at me.. I think that affects me still to this day with a lack of trust in authority to do anything right or do much more than take the majorities side. More in line with the opinion now that authority is there to do whats the law or the rules, not whats just or right.
One important lesson I learned though was to always have your own back because you cant always count on someone else to have it. You gotta be prepared to face some storms alone and have confidence and value in yourself.
: Drake Wingfire June 04, 2015, 06:07:35 -06:00
I got bullied a fair bit in my younger years, I just never was one of the "popular" kids (yeah I missed that awesome boat of being a stoner, alcoholic and potential father all within a 4 year span after puberty..... too bad lol)
Hyperbole and sarcasm aside. I was the new kid in a school at some of those supposedly important years where kids start forming lill gangs and picking targets. I was the odd one out.. But come grade 4 I had this eureka moment where I realized... I was an outdoors kid, I helped my family haul truck loads of firewood for allowance money, I was use to scrapes and bumps and I was getting actually kinda strong for a kid my age. When the next year of school started, I was still the same timid kid I was before... hated confrontation and being bugged, but this time I now had a limited fuse, and when someone would keep pushing and pushing, or dare to actually get a little physical, I would just snap and go right for them and their little challenge. I cant say I ever lost a fight, took a lotta hits for sure but they would let up far before I did XD
The way the school handled it too wasn't all that great, they always took the bullies side because I fought back and since it was usually 2-3 of them vs me, but yet they never stopped shit when I was being passive. I actually got suspended in grade 6 after a particularly nasty fight, even though the start of it had two kids taking swings at me.. I think that affects me still to this day with a lack of trust in authority to do anything right or do much more than take the majorities side. More in line with the opinion now that authority is there to do whats the law or the rules, not whats just or right.
One important lesson I learned though was to always have your own back because you cant always count on someone else to have it. You gotta be prepared to face some storms alone and have confidence and value in yourself.
Yeah, teachers always seem to take the bullies side, or so in the past they did. I also completely agree about learning to have your own back. I've learnt that especially being the "lone wolf" (lone leopard more like) that I am. It is sadly quite rare to find someone who will if it's not yourself.
Yes
I am a Victim of Bullies I refered by years of School as my years of Hell, I was in Special Classes since Grade 1.
Being a Victim teacher you that you can't tell people any personal info or it will be used againest you, you learn that the powers that be don't help they just tow the line of there Bosses. The world is an Unfair place those who tell you differantly are lying through there teeth.
LW
: lwhitehead June 07, 2015, 01:11:12 -06:00
I am a Victim of Bullies I refered by years of School as my years of Hell, I was in Special Classes since Grade 1.
Being a Victim teacher you that you can't tell people any personal info or it will be used againest you, you learn that the powers that be don't help they just tow the line of there Bosses. The world is an Unfair place those who tell you differantly are lying through there teeth.
LW
Thank you for sharing. Whatever you experienced in your early years impacts you for a lifetime and most likely shapes the person you have become. In this case trusting individuals can be a challenge.
You'd be really hard pressed to find anyone, furry or not, that'd never been bullied before.
I've always been a bit odd throughout my life and as such I've been a victim of bullying. Though the majority of my altercations with bullies was when I was defending/protecting other victims of bullying. The one elementary school I attended in Maple Ridge was terrorized by 3 young individuals, comprised of the ring leader and his two "enforcers" who were the biggest and strongest kids in the school. They did some pretty awful stuff to the kids that went to that school, myself included. I remember one incident where they attacked a friend of mine who had Osteogenesis imperfecta and broke several of his bones (not hard to do due to his Osteogenesis imperfecta). I rushed to his aid and they scattered (like they normally did when I showed up). I was suspended for two weeks for "getting involved." There were of course many more incidents on the school yard, however their bullying did not stop once they got home. It extended to their weekends and after school time as well. They viscously attacked and hospitalized another friend of mine with various weapons one weekend. Unfortunately I could not help him then as I was at Vancouver Children's Hospital for a routine check up that weekend. To be honest if there was ever a time in my life when I could say that I had a nemesis the leader of the group was just that, my nemesis. I'm sure he felt the same way though, as his and his cronies actions definitely pointed towards aiming to hurt the people who were close to me. Just thinking about him again gets my blood boiling.... okay I'm done for today gotta go blow some steam off now.
I was bullied a fare bit throughout elementary school and middle school, elementary was a lot of the usual teasing, and being made fun of for standing out, but in middle school it got a lot more violent with being pushed around and stuff, was locked in a half locker a couple of times, then also bit through my lip at the end of grade 7 because someone tripped and shoved me at the same time, outside that, I learned to just keep a low profile, and throughout the rest of my years I kept to myself and what few friends I did make.
i don't want to go into details but i was bullied by one person and of course to be part of the "in" crowd, or so that they wouldn't be bullied as well, the others would follow suit. to make matters worse, i was with them 24/7 as i was in a boarding school. (private school). some of the torment turned into sexual events.
i have never gotten over it, nor have i been able to do much about it except i did manage to track down the bully, and he seemed genuinely happy to hear from me, but i surprised him with a rant about how much of a bully he was and how it screwed up my life. granted now that he is older he did do the minimum and apologize. if it was possible to sue him now for his actions in the 60's, i would do so. unfortunately it wouldn't really get me anything except revenge. it is said that revenge is a dish best served cold, but at this point it has gone mouldy and should be thrown out.
fortunately for me i have managed to block from memory recovery, some of the things from my past that are not so pleasant. granted they are deep down in the file system but i very rarely think of them.
my end result so far is that i have depression and anxiety issues. although i may not seem like i am depressed, i am, but i put on a happy face when around others.
: tokar August 11, 2015, 01:59:13 -06:00
my end result so far is that i have depression and anxiety issues. although i may not seem like i am depressed, i am, but i put on a happy face when around others.
Not to exclude the rest of your post but I connect with this part the most as this is the end result of my bullied years as well and also act happy when others are around or I attend events.
: sniffum August 28, 2015, 03:01:36 -06:00
Not to exclude the rest of your post but I connect with this part the most as this is the end result of my bullied years as well and also act happy when others are around or I attend events.
I can connect with both of you on the lasting effects of being bullied every day in middle school and high school. I grew up in maple ridge until the start of 7th grade and then moved down to Ferndale with my family for my dad's company. When I went to school there I was picked on constantly for being a Canadian in an American school as well as being overweight. I am thankful that I do not remember anything about that horrible time in my life as I must have just blocked it out, but the effects coming out of it that have lasted are bad social anxiety and I get into deep depression every so often due to my anxiety and how alone I constantly feel due to having a hard time meeting new people. I am always trying to work on meeting new people but that anxiety just makes me super quiet when I feel uncomfortable and to a certain degree I just feel that I want to go and hide somewhere. I used to own a lifted jeep cherokee and went out to stave lake for a fire with a local jeep club so I can try to meet some new people but within 15 minutes I felt that I didn't belong and the social anxiety took over and I literally just went into the back of my jeep and passed out for the night. All I know is I have to work on overcoming it and just get out there and meet new people which is why I felt I wanted to join up here as there is a mutual interest and everyone here seems so friendly and welcoming.
I just want to hug everybody in this thread. Being bullied is the worst. :hug:
I've been bullied all throughout school and even afterwards. Some of it completely random, but mostly attributed to me always being the black sheep. I've always dressed, acted and spoke my own way, garnering me a lot of attention. I've been punched in the face till black and blue in elementary school and told by the principle that the kid was only showing me affection. Told I was a retard by a teacher because I had wax build up in my ears and learned to pronounce things differently. Went to a new school in a small town and was everybody's scapegoat, actually barely remember anything about that year luckily except the emotions I felt. Was shoved around and harassed by your typical popular kids. Had all my friends stab me in the back in high school and harass me after the fact... Last two years I practically had no friends.
I'm very apprehensive about opening myself up to others, but for the most I'm okay now.
: Nibi August 28, 2015, 11:30:18 -06:00
I just want to hug everybody in this thread. Being bullied is the worst. :hug:
I've been bullied all throughout school and even afterwards. Some of it completely random, but mostly attributed to me always being the black sheep. I've always dressed, acted and spoke my own way, garnering me a lot of attention. I've been punched in the face till black and blue in elementary school and told by the principle that the kid was only showing me affection. Told I was a retard by a teacher because I had wax build up in my ears and learned to pronounce things differently. Went to a new school in a small town and was everybody's scapegoat, actually barely remember anything about that year luckily except the emotions I felt. Was shoved around and harassed by your typical popular kids. Had all my friends stab me in the back in high school and harass me after the fact... Last two years I practically had no friends.
I'm very apprehensive about opening myself up to others, but for the most I'm okay now.
Now I wanna give YOU a hug. :/ My teachers didn't do a damn thing about harassment with me either, especially when I went to them practically crying about it and having no friends and how I stood alone. I changed schools. Was way better than the one before. Glad I changed. *hugs* don't feel afraid to open up to me :3
It's alright now, been many years since that time so all the ill feelings are gone. It definitely is unfortunate how hard it is to get teacher's help. Luckily when I got into high school my principle was incredibly against bullying and would not hesitate to throw down the ban hammer (expel) to anybody bullying. xD; *also double hugs*
Thank you again for sharing. I think Tokar's and Sniffum's statements resonate the most. How you cope with this pain years and years later in life. Even though you forget about and "get over it" but remains stuck inside you. It makes you what you become today.: Closed, more cautious and withdrawn.
It is debatable how much the abusive pain (whether physically and psychologically) serves you as you live through the years of adulthood. And indeed, you feel anxiety and depression yet on the outside you pretend all is well by faking it. One of the few favorite past times observing how contemporary society forces us to put a smile every day. Eventually a subject for another day.
I cannot help but think of this movie (http://putlocker.is/watch-sleepers-online-free-putlocker.html) where grown up, the victims seek retaliation (look at 1:03:00 to get the message). Having seen it right after the movie was released had little impact , but boy this is something I can relate to more now. It goes along the same line as Antwone Fisher (http://putlocker.is/watch-antwone-fisher-online-free-putlocker.html), yet more violent.