Deadbeat Furries

[Vivian]

Before anyone gets their hackles up, no, I don't mean all of you. This is somewhat of a rant about how the Lower Mainland furries have evolved. We have a bunch of very sweet, giving, lovable furries, who host parties and are free with their affection, alcohol, and food, and then.... We have the deadbeats.

These furries are the ones who show up to a potluck empty handed.
These furries are the ones who owe you hundreds of dollars and yet still justify going out to bowling.
These furries are the under-agers who wander the halls at cons, trying to find a room they can squeeze into and mooch booze.

Frankly, tonight I've had it up to here.

I suppose I'm looking for advice on Furry Etiquette. I mean, what on Earth do I say to someone who is such a grasping leech? How do you drill home that if they aren't going to take equal part, they aren't welcome? Or that it's not socially acceptable to owe someone money while spending it on parties and events? I try to be nice and understand that some people aren't as well off, but dammit, lately I just feel like a doormat. When I don't have the extra cash for Sushi, or Poker, or Bowling, or Camping, we stay home and watch movies instead. 

Argh. I apologize if this is disjointed. I'm very agitated and it's late.

Once again, I do shameless plugging of certain awesome furries who host fantastic parties and open their homes and unfortunately, their wallets to the entire community.

[Sasha]

then.... We have the deadbeats.

Please try "misguided humans" instead, they see no consequence in what they do to exploit opportunities to do what they wish (furry or not.)

Giving people a chance is not black and white, saying "you're not to enter my premises again" is not stripping them of their rights or chances, it may not even do anything, but you cannot do much yourself other than that. Sometimes those accepting furries who allow it to happen are harming them more than being accepting.

I suppose I'm looking for advice on Furry Etiquette.

What is furry about it? It is not different from a 16 yearold slipping in to a bar because they look old enough, thinking anything is okay if they will not get in trouble, or exploiting people to find something to do each day that seems "fun".

Sometimes it is hard to be assertive (You can't go yelling at a preteen smoker on 22nd and Dave street because you don't agree with his/her choices) But things do have to happen where they can.

I try to be nice and understand that some people aren't as well off, but dammit, lately I just feel like a doormat.

I propose you are being exploited and that is not acceptable behaviour, it is not my right to say "stop letting them", but it is a suggestion before it gets to points where you feel like a door mat (which is not what "furry" is trying to lead you in to, but rather an unfortunate issue with someone who does not care for others as much)

I observe often patterns being allowed to happen, issue being tip-toed around (no naming of people for example being seen as important as the issue itself), and then people who realise this is very wrong (in the community, not as people) reach out and make such threads.

I tend to post things strangely or critically, but I am not good at putting thoughts down in any manner either way. I hold most of what I consider my opinion behind the above at least.

Tiger.

[Neox]

This discussion led me to create another discussion in lieu of posting a bunch of off-topic junk here.

ON-topic, however:

Viv, what makes you think you need to adhere to a standard of etiquette that would strictly be employed for furries?  As I say in my spin-off thread: furries are people, and need to be treated as people.  If someone is misbehaving at one of your parties, or owes you money, what is stopping you from putting your foot down and setting them straight?  I know I certainly don't hold back, why should you?  If someone is pissing me off, I make sure they know, and they know why, so they make an informed decision on what to do about it.  I don't let people step on my toes just because we all share the "furry" title.  Yeah, it's cool to have all these people who share the common theme of being furry, but I know there are a few people in our community that I dislike for the very reasons you're complaining of here, and I'm very cut and dry with them.

You would draw a line with anyone else; draw the same line with people in our community.  If you catch someone freeloading, out them on it!  Say, "Hey! Why aren't you paying SoAndSo for gas money while he drove you out to Harrison for the weekend, after he ASKED passengers for compensation?"

You let one person fuck you around, everyone will start doing it.  Get 'em under your thumb before it gets out of control.

And for those drivers who have been fucked around with: ask for the money BEFORE the person gets in your car.  If they can't pay up, leave 'em there.  It's that simple.

Hope everything works out okay for you, Viv.

[Tony Greyfox]

Totally agree with Neox here. At some point, the general furry happiness to share has to come to an end and people who are abusing it need to be called out. We're furries, not doormats.

[Silvermink]

I don't know about "evolved" - this has been around as long as there's been a Vancouver furry group, more or less. We'd go to a dinnermeet and everyone would put in money and... oh, hey, we're twenty bucks short. I remember this vividly as I was one of the people who usually ended up contributing more than my fair share.

That said, as Neox says, there's nothing particularly furry about this phenomenon.

[Vivian]

Hang on, I made an Error;

I did not mean that this is an exclusively furry problem, or that I needed a purely furry solution. I simply tried to make it pertain to the forum :P

I suppose I do have to just step up. It's frustrating to watch it happen in scenarios where I can't speak for the person being taken advantage of. I'd like to, and I have actually once or twice, but yeah.

Thanks for the support, guys. :) I was expecting nasty stuff in the thread since someone actually messaged me that the original post is offensive. My reply being that it's only offensive to the aforementioned freeloaders. Or uh, what did Tiger call them? .... "Misguided Humans".

I love how you posted right quick, Neox, you were one of the people I was thinking of when I was mentioning the awesome. ;)

I hope some of the people I was thinking of for the negative get to read this too.

[Renwaldo]

This reminds you me, I owe you tequila. I haven't forgotten about you, I just haven't had a free Tuesday night available in a while. D:

[Silvermink]

Thanks for the support, guys. :) I was expecting nasty stuff in the thread since someone actually messaged me that the original post is offensive. My reply being that it's only offensive to the aforementioned freeloaders. Or uh, what did Tiger call them? .... "Misguided Humans".

Freeloaders deserve to be offended. :P

[Fleurette]

Freeloaders deserve to be offended. :P

^ That.
Don't fear standing up for yourself.
If somebody is giving you issues, tell them, and DON'T be afraid of offending them.
Clearly they've done worse to you than you could ever do to them.
Some people just need a good smacking to end up in the right direction.

[Tef]

Freeloaders deserve to be offended. :P

Seconded, Silvermink. Seconded.

[Vivian]

Ha. You guys are awesome. And Ren, you were NOT one of the people I was thinking of. You actually try to bring stuff and contribute at events. Not wanting to waste good tequila on already-drunk furries is just... a smart move. Haha.

[Renwaldo]

It's been months since I've seen you guys. The next Tuesday I get off I'll see you at Okonomi.

[Dere]

The only way people learn is if they're told somethings wrong.

The issue is is that we continue to assist, and let them get by, and enable them. If everyone says, "God, you're just the WORST mooch!" then maybe they'll realise that they need to step it up.

[Temrin]

@Dere

While i do agree that a lot of people are too busy trying to protect people who do stupid things. So these people arent told they are doing something wrong.

BUT.

Even when a lot of problem people are told. They still will not fix it or do anything to try to fix it. I've met a lot of people such as this and they just either say "ok" and ignore you, get upset and blow up at you, or break down and call you an -ass- or a horrible person. And still wont fix it.

Only a very few people who i know have been told of problems actually have done things or tried to fix it.

[Pixel]

Holy crap. Furries who actually call this out.

I love you guys. I happily await my move to the mainland so I can be a part of what sounds like a pretty killer community. :D